All you need is...

May those without it experience it, those who have it keep it and those who have lost it find it again.

Rossifer (& D M) xxx

3 birds, one stone

Nearly 2 months since the last PB entry, usually a sign of blind panic when life isn't as purple as it should be. The truth is all is well with life and the book with plenty lined up for the year, just nothing for the immediate. The fun sapping wet weather is finally behind us and Spring is here bringing with it plenty of opportunities. The end of a very tricky term at work welcomed the Easter holidays, a much sought after 2 week break from things. Say what you like about people who work in schools, the holidays are always so very much needed for all present in an atmosphere that brings out all emotions, good and bad. I wouldn't choose anywhere else to work at the moment but I am certainly glad to see the back of the place for a fortnight before what promises to be an even more hectic couple of months.

I had nothing planned for Easter other than tidying the Den and recharging. The first of my '3 birds' quickly came into being out of nothing though. There is an app on all smart phones called 'Words with friends', a scrabble like game where you can play against people you know or any random Tom, Dick or Harry. I've never been good at Scrabble, won just over half my games on the phone version and finished at best 3rd in the overall rankings. Knowing I had a week with little distractions though the challenge was on, at the end of the week finish top of the table. Every time my phone went off I checked to see who was in play. To cut a very boring story short I took great pleasure in wiping the floor with all present, beating amongst other people 3 English teachers and more than doubling my cousins score in second place :)

Had to get that one out the way first, this one is much more read worthy promise! At Christmas Mum had brought me and Dad an extreme sports voucher each, even though it was of course our main present it was over shadowed by all the tea, hats and pipes i'd also been given (especially the tea ;) ). With two weeks off work and the old one now retired it was the perfect time to use the vouchers. We were scheduled to do Paintballing, Quad biking and Clay pigeon shooting, we were both new to all but the first one which meant crossing another two items off the book. Dad was due to drive us down in his shiny new car, this was scuppered however the previous evening after a charity pub quiz we went to. A short way down the road after leaving we heard a weird noise which sounded like a flat tyre, sure enough the front passenger one was completely buggered. Me and Mum got out and Dad did a U-ey to turn back to a small road further down. Some idiot going a ridiculous speed damn near went into the side of him while he was turning! Out we got and me and Dad got to getting the tyre off. After much faffing around with Mum holding my phone with the torch on it we got all the bolts off the wheel only to find it was fused to the car. We were given an hour's maximum wait by the breakdown company. 59 minutes and 59 seconds later a dude showed up and eventually sorted us out by whacking the wheel off with a sledgehammer and giant bit of wood. We all got home around 1:00 ish, cold and pretty damn hungry after our Ploughmans', arguably the world's most cack handed and over rated meal (honestly, get some ham in it!)

Early(ish) start, for a Sunday at least. We eventually got hold of the dude down in Dorset and booked ourself in for the day, it would be paintballing at 10:00, Quads at 2 and Clay pij's at 3. With the old one's chariot doubtful and mum at a car boot sale all morning it I ended up taking the two of us down in Mavis. Both parents are always reluctant passengers with me at the wheel but Dad didn't have a choice in things this time after the night before. The drive down was lunch, great weather and no traffic whatsoever, it seemed everyone must have been in the capital watching the marathon. We rocked up at Blandford in Dorset around 9:25 and could see what looked like the quad bike course. paintballing was first up, we were unable to swap it to archery which we would have both preferred. The venue for it was a further mile up the road. I say road but moon surface is more like it, my poor Mavis's suspension suffers at the best of times with all the speed bumps littering Tilehurst and this certainly wasn't helping.

We eventually got to a large open area with a couple of guys getting set up. The place was very rustic looking like it had been dragged from the past, we were the only participants for around half an hour until the other two groups showed up, a BMW full of wide boys and a land rover of people who had been ferried there (wish we'd have though of that). We started what would become a pattern for the day, fill in the paperwork, get the right clothing on and get tooled up. On went the camo overalls, the protective mask and then the safety briefing. Most of the group had done it before and were well prepared with thick gloves and padding. What were we getting ourselves into?! Although me and Dad had done this before we didn't let on, never that harmful to play dumb when doing something like this, especially with all parties eyeing up each other to scope out the competition. I felt one step away from the grading scene in the Hunger Games. At this stage me and Dad felt like a '3' at best.
We could tell that the organisers at the place were the layed back type. Although the guy running it would obviously take no nonsense from the group he was lax about certain things such as the stated distance between people shooting each other. Officially it's no closer than 8 feet but in most scenarios this is obviously a ridiculous concept and simply not possible most of the time. We all grabbed our guns and were put into teams. Me and the old one chose to stay together to were in the red team and were facing the others with the black 'hoppers' on their guns where the paintballs went in. The site had at least 4 different areas to play in, the first was my favourite, a set of wooden huts amongst the trees with plenty of cover. First game was capture the flag, the first 5 minutes you were able to go back into the game if you were shot then you were out after that until the game finished. First hit was on the thigh, don't mind telling you it bloody hurt but not as painful as I was dreading. As instructed I put my hand up and kept it up and walked into the 'safe zone'. After that if was a capture the fort scenario with both teams having a go at attacking and defending, a game which involved shooting a circular metal thing in the opponents base, then a 'take the blue container into the base over the bridge game' before a final free for all back at the first venue. The bridge one was the worst where I managed to get shot multiple times despite putting my hand up (bit of blue language at that point i'm afraid) and oddly enough my favourite round was the one I was dreading, the free for all. Me and the old one agreed to buddy up and garrison a hut, that was the only game I managed to survive unscathed and actually managed to shoot 4 people. On the whole we both really enjoyed it and came out relatively pain free, although I am sporting a rather vicious looking bruise on my wrist at the moment that would be the second most painful injury of the day (but more on that later).

Second up, the quad biking. I drove Mavis back across the moon to where we'd started the day. It was a few minutes wait until we were to start again, a more sedate looking group this time despite the annoying little boy who wouldn't stop crying and grizzling. A guy that looked like he'd come from art college told us to kit up, blue overalls this time with bike helmets. Our designer bespeckled chappie gave us a quick run over everything we needed to know and again seemed as chilled out as the last guy. The quad's looked quite gnarly and were a bit of a bugger to start but we were quickly into it. I remember thinking I hoped it would be a combination of segwaying and jet skiing and just as enjoyable. Put the quad in neutral, turn the key, press the on switch, press the throttle, put it in gear, do the throttle again and off we went. A few laps of the practise track and then off we went up a path. We did that for the rest of the hour, a mixture of laps around a track then off to another bit. There was no overtaking allowed but if someone was holding everyone up (afraid I was one of those) then they were shown one path and everyone behind was ushered ahead down a shortcut, the whole thing worked effortlessly and brilliantly. The quads themselves are quite daunting to ride, the front brakes on all of them are purposely disabled for 'insurance purposes' and the back ones seem virtually pointless. Again, the two of us both loved it, it was Dad's highlight of the day and for me a close second behind my surprise package, the paintballing. Top tip that we soon picked up, grip the quad with your thighs at all times and lean right over when going into the corners, especially when going downhill at speed!

Last up with the clay pigeon shooting, surely the most sedate of the day's events I thought to myself, I wasn't going to get injured doing this... (don't panic, no one got shot!) This time it was only the two of us doing the activity, we followed a chappie to the venue which was halfway down the moon like track then into a field. It had my two flags flying so I was already looking forward to it. The young chappie took us to an older guy, the sort who could obviously spot us for a couple of complete novices to fire arms. No overalls this time, just a set of ear plugs and some glasses. he showed us how to hold the gun with the stock against the face and tucked into the shoulder, one eye closed, the other looking down the sight at the end of the barrel. He asked the younger chappie to fire up a clay which just popped straight up in the air, hovered for a split second then came down to earth. the brief was to aim just below it went it was hovering. Dad was up first. Slight problem was he couldn't even see the clay going up! He had to take the glasses off but still could only see the black clay when it was against the blue sky. He missed the first few back managed to clip a couple. I was up next. Seeing them was easy enough, hitting them was another thing! Roll up the most painful part of the day, the kick off that gun! Despite tucking it to my shoulder as best I can every shot was painful. I was chuffed in the fact I was hitting a few and actually shattering them but not in the pain I was getting for it. Me moved onto the clays flying into the distance and then some orange 'rabbit' clays which tumble across the floor. By the end of it we were 7 shots a piece which was a nice end to the day, helped largely by my double rabbit snag right at the end ;) We both got the impression the older guy ended the session early as a mercy plea to the pair of us which we were glad he did, we were both feeling pretty wrecked by the end of it.

Mavis got us back home in enough time to watch the last day of the Masters, both slumped in our chairs nursing our many bruises from the day. The pain though was well worth it, an absolutely fantastic day in a great venue. Although the place is still very much in development the whole day was very well run. It is obviously a family run outfit, things are kept quick and simple with more time to enjoy the activities themselves. A much needed triple entry into the good book with a lot more lined up for the rest of the year :)

Rossifer x

Mallnitz

February, so often a month in limbo as everyone starts to recover from winter and look forward to spring with not much else taking place other than cheering on England and Wales in the 6 nations. As well as watching the world's second best sport this year it was Winter Olympics, and more importantly the chance to try some of it myself, skiing in Mallnitz Austria. Right up until the point I had my stuff packed and stepped foot on the coach I never thought i'd actually be going. A few months ago Alex, head of PE at our school asked me if I was interested in going on the trip. I said i'd loved to but thought nothing more of it as if I'd be one of the options open to him for staff to go with the students. The following week he asked me for my passport number, head, foot and leg size and gradually I started getting excited. More weeks later and it was meetings regarding the trip, ordering the EHIC card and trying on the green hoodies that we'd be wearing (and that i'm wearing as I type this.) After the training runs at Bracknell there was a week to go and we'd be on our way, this was actually going to happen! :)

Final Friday of the term and we came to school dressed in all the gear with bags packed. The kids on the trip had the choice of coming in late to school to avoid all faffing around in getting their own gear in. Wheeling the suitcase down the corridors with some of the others we started to get knowing looks and comments of people wishing they'd signed up for the trip as well. The 8 staff going all had their jobs to do as the kids started to filter in, passports, EHICs, medication, various paperwork and dosh all had to be sorted out before going, couldn't help thinking back then the amount of time it must have taken to get this thing organised. The worst bit is that Alex who had organised it would be unable to ski due to an operation he'd had a couple of weeks before, all this work for no slope time! Around 2 ish the coach rolled up, the 8 of us had our group of 6 students who we'd be registering for the duration with us all sorted out and off we went. The 5 blokes had snagged the back seat of the bus, despite 2 6 foot 5 plus guys in the group though Alex took the coveted middle seat because of his op with me and Barnesy flanking him as best we could, we pretty much needed a shoe horn to get us both in! The start of 26 hours of travelling to get there...
The drive to Dover was easy enough, the ferry crossing was the biggie though as after an hour or so on the water the message came through that we had to turn back due to technical difficulties, despite the fact we saw what we thought was the French coast. Despite this around 20 minutes later we heard that we were on the final approach to Dover! I later found out from the old one that the real reason our ferry and one of the others had to turn back was due to several people dying out on the channel, not sure how or why, especially as the waters didn't seem that bad when we were out but just glad we made it through. We did however lose a lot of time which ended up mucking things up later on. What with that and the busy German Auto-bahns we'd end up 4 hours later than planned. When it was the wee small hours of the morning the lights went out on the coach and most people managed to get some sleep but when you're 6 foot 6 in a chair with no leg room and too small a headrest flanked by a rower and a rugby player chances of sleep largely go out the window...

Although someone once said it's often the journey not the destination that counts i'm drawing a line under that as it was a coach and ferry journey (which sucked apart from a few good DVDs played on route) and SKIING was the destination.

Eventually we end up in beautiful Austria. My first attempt at brushing up on my German wasn't great as it was in a service station after zero sleep in a rather confusing toilet, one of those all in one things with sensors and stuff, something way too complicated when you're knackered and listening to a foreigner trying to give you instructions. Suddenly every one on the coach was wide awake in anticipation regardless of how much sleep they'd had. Despite a crap journey the kids were behaving great, a good thing as James, the rower sat next to me obviously doesn't function well without much sleep as he was pretty cranky at this point... The roads were becoming typical Austrian, steep nd windy with stunning views. This was my first time visiting in Winter, for me the best time to see the country at it's best. We'd pulled off the main roads and were going through the various ski resorts until we got to Mallnitz. Far from being the party capital of the world, Mallnitz is home to a few eateries, a supermarket, one small souvenir shop and a wool shop. The hotel or 'Pension' as they seem to call it would be just for us which meant we wouldn't have to worry about keeping anyone up. The rooms had bunk beds with up to 8 in a room, being able to stretch out on the top bunk after that coach ride was pretty lush, even though I had to search for a corner in the shower that I was able to stand up straight in ;)

First day of skiing, on real snow! As we'd taken more time than expected getting there we'd missed our chance to get booted up so had to do so early the following morning. Our boots, skis, poles and helmets would be ours for the week, all of mine seemed twice the size of most people except Barnesy who probably gave Alex my name as a suggestion for the trip as I help look after his Basketball group. We were split into four groups; group 1 were those who had skied before, group 2 were the best of the Bracknell practise slope bunch, group 3 the worst from that group and group 4 had never worn a ski boot in their lives. I was happily with group 3 as I hadn't quite mastered what I'd needed from Bracknell so felt more than comfortable where I was. We were put with Pezi our instructor for the week, top dog and owner of a beaut of a moustache. He's the sort of bloke that is very grouchy when you don't do as you're told but the best when you get it right and proceeded to deal out a huge portion of whoop ass and praise in equal measure. The day started on the most gentlest of slopes and apart from the odd tumble here and there, no worries.

Day two and the snow came in droves. Despite being surrounded with the stuff the sheer volume of it that day meant the coach was snowed out and the Ankogel ski school itself was completely closed. The day's skiing then was replaced by snow ball fights and snowmen & women making, there was hardly a moan from any of the students due to the fact half of them were really tired and the appeal of being surrounded by thick snow was still very much there so the thought of a snowball fight more than made up for a day off the slopes. It ended up with which snowman had the biggest snow gentleman's region and which snow lady had the biggest boobs (naturally) followed by all of them getting kicked down once the winner had been picked.

Day three at the glacier, a day i'd been looking forward to since it had been mentioned despite the fact it would come a day too soon in my opinion. The day missed yesterday was unfortunate, especially for groups 3 and 4 which needed the practice more than most. After only 1 day on proper snow we were now facing many more challenges. The day started off in giant lifts which seemed to take for ever to get to the ski slopes proper, I still have no idea how high up we eventually got to. The resort at the glacier was a hive of activity. As well as the button lifts that we were all pretty much savvy in using we now had the dreaded T lift, seat lift and gondolas. For those not in the know, here's what they all are: -

Button lift - a small seat the size of a frizbee. It comes around on a little relay, you take hold of the seat, point your skis forward, put the seat between your legs and off you go.

T-lift - a bigger version of the button lift, designed to take two people. Pick a side, hold onto the middle bit with one hand and hold your poles with the other.

Seat lift - the most daunting I reckon! A gate open, 4 people ski forward and line up together. the seat comes behind you, you sit down, pull down the safety bar and off you go. The worst bit is when the thing stops with you hanging over a big drop, especially if it starts swaying.

Gondola - Enclosed lift thingy which takes you to the highest point of the mountain. Loved it as you get to take pictures of all the great views without feeling unsafe.

The problems faced by my group and group 4 were the ability to turn whilst skiing. Still a relatively new concept to us, turning involved leaning away from the mountain with your knees pointing towards the slope, basically if you want to turn left then you lean right and vice versa. The premise was easy enough but the practise was a lot trickier for all concerned. Pezi was getting increasingly kranky as we took turns falling over. At one point I fell over 9 times whilst trying to follow my group down the mountain. I always had to stay at the back in case anyone got into trouble, the problem was my skiing ability was the same as there's so getting to them and stopping was a nightmare. I have to admit to cursing a fair bit at that point! Despite the fact I thought no one could hear me, I guess the echoes in the mountains were heard by quite a few as i'd had just about enough of skiing at that point. Pezi gave me a knowing look on our one go on the seat lift and tried to console me by giving me various tips to help me out. A very tricky day on the slopes and, like I said earlier, a day too soon in my opinion. Despite one hell of a lot of aggro I'll only be taking good memories away from it though as it was a truly beautiful place and in the last few minutes of skiing there I was starting to get it. Skiing down that final slope with no tumbles was an epic feeling.

The entertainment that night was karaoke at the one bar in Mallnitz. Good in two ways, another entry in the book as I have never done it before and also in the fact my performances seemed to go down well with my lot and the students! Plenty of great tracks to choose from but I ended up with Born to be wild by Steppenwolf, Ring of fire by Johnny Cash and a trio with two of the girls doing American Pie by Don McClean. It's lucky they were with me as that's a long old song and I completely forgot how the intro went!

Next day we find out we're back at Ankogel and will be for the rest of the trip, great news for the lower groups as well as groups 1 & 2 who were about to be let loose on the mountain proper. The weather was pretty dire all day, I already knew my ski jacket wasn't water proof and that i'd be soaked by the end of the day but not how much i'd enjoy the day. After an hour or so (and a painful bump off the T lift) something clicked for me and I started to 'get it'. Pezi had been giving us the same instructions about leaning into the corner and standing up at the right time and, for some reason, I eventually got it! From that point on there would be no more falling over unless I was showing the kids how to get upright again. I was able to move from doing the 'snow plough' stance into the holy grail of 'parallel skiing' where both skis point the same way and are closer together for more speed. While most of my group were picking it up as well, I still had that hardcore bunch who were still lacking that bit of confidence and/or ability so I couldn't race down the mountain as quick as i'd like. The favourite member of my group continued to entertain in how fearless he was on the mountain. Despite being a royal pain and the one student I was dreading on the trip he quickly became the one student who always cracked me up. On one section of the slope which involved going over loads of bumps he managed to fly down with the ominous cry of "OH NO", flying over all of them and stopping perfectly by the rest of the group, more through luck that judgment but so funny!

The routine followed for the next couple of days. Traditional Bavarian breakfast at 7:30 (think salami and cheese) followed by skiing during the day, tea back at the Pension then the evenings entertainment whether it be quiz night, swimming, disco or the compulsory mid-trip early night. The disco wasn't my thing due to the age group present and not enough alcohol although I was up for any dance that was easy enough to join in. Oops upside your head went down well even if most of the kids and all the locals looked on wondering what the hell was going on with a row of peeps sat on the floor rowing. Apart from a saxophone shaped beer pump and various signed underwear on the walls the other quirk of the Mallnitz bar was the log game a couple of the locals were playing. Premise was simple - using a chisel hammer, partly hammer a long nail into the log then take turns trying to nail the rest in with the chisel part of the hammer (one nail each). The loser buys the other dude a drink. No prizes for guessing who had to skulk back to the bar, didn't hit the bloody thing once!

Final day and only two more hours on the slope. Panic as the snow seemed rock hard, for a few minutes skiing was hard again. The best bit was that I had a chance to have some free skiing. I'd had the offer the day before but had grown really fond of group 3 and wanted to stay with them to get better with them. The final day I took the chance though as I wanted to ski down both sides of our slope, top to bottom without having to keep most of my attention on the group. Ahhhhhh so good. Up I went on the T lift, taking the left side down first and then on my favourite right side. I only aimed to do one trip down on each side but kept missing my group so ended up doing several trips down. Easily the best part of the whole experience, I was really loving skiing at this point. The slope was largely empty with very few pint sized skiers around (I swear they can ski before they can walk in these parts). Parallel skiing from top to bottom, wide turns at the top and smaller ones near the bottom where I was able to open out and get some speed. So, soooo good, I can see how people get the skiing bug. After that we handed back our equipment, final pictures on the slope taken and off we went. I made sure I had my pic and shook the hand of group 3's instructor, i'd really miss Pezi, the guy who's wisdom meant I could now ski.

The journey back, boring but mercifully 4 hours shorter than the trip there. Kids, as ever really well behaved and James still cranky. The ferry back was infinitely less eventful, me and the other 7 played the final game of 'Wallybag', the card trip that had dominated the spare time on the trip. The loser of the game became said Wally Bag and this was also the honorary title given to whoever had done the most stupidest things each day. Harkit, one of the 8 had earned the first wearing of the Wally Bag high vis jacket after forgetting to bring his ski jacket on the trip, other winners included someone who decided to pick a fight with our solid rugby playing Alex, a couple of people who fell off the ski lift taking out a few others along the way and the favourite member of my group for his general Wally bag behaviour since training at Bracknell. I'll remember little bits like that, the karaoke, the way our students looked at kids from another school who were acting like idiots in the Billa supermarket and the log game but the trip was all about the skiing for me. I never though i'd be any good at it, get me on ice and i'm like Bambi but put me on snow and you know what, i'm not that bad at all. 2 in 1, karaoke in front of a live audience and skiing in the alps, loved it.

Huge thanks to Alex and Barnesy for organising it, Pickle, Sam, Sian, James and Harkit for the ride, Terry, Brian and Guy for getting us there and back and all the kids who we did it for in the first place, especially Team Red and group 3 :)

Rossifer x

Winter Omnibus

January and February, not renowned for their popularity due to the shortness of the day light hours, available dosh and suitable activities to get involved in. January is always the longest of months, the cold reality after Christmas and February is arguably the year's most boring month. But a change in the air, 2014 is already proving to have the potential of being a vintage year in the Purple Book. Despite the worst spell of weather I've ever seen this year is getting off to a flyer with the pages of the good book already starting to swell like the tides of our rivers.

Ski-ing

Over the years I've come to realise my body's strengths and many weaknesses, one of these weaknesses being balance on anything other than terra firma. Anything involving movement such as skating or surfing should be avoided, including skiing. A couple of months ago though I was asked if i'd be up for going on the ski trip with the school. Half expecting this to be a joke I said I'd love to, thinking nothing more of it. Gradually though I was asked for passport details and show sizes and then invited to training days. This was really happening, a free, paid, ski trip to Austria! I'd done dry slope skiing before but not since the late 90s and had spend a couple of hours on fake snow so for all intensive purposes I was a complete newb.

First training day at Bracknell, the palaver of getting booted up. Size 13 snow boots the size of moon boots and skis taller then all the kids and half the adults present. A couple of the others were quite regular skiers, ready to laugh their heads off the second me and Batch (the only other novice) fell A over T! The first time over the edge of the junior slope, bricking it that i'm going to end up in a heap on the floor, but didn't. This was doable. A few more times down, doing weird jumps on the way, touching toes, singing on the way down and practising the 'snow plough' used to steer and stop. The next lesson a bit further up, learning to turn and stop, all good, in fact the only time I've hit the deck so far is on the flat at the end of the lesson trying to take my huge skis off! A few sketchy moments on the third training day where stopping suddenly became undoable and I damn near took a few kids out on route to the bottom but apart from that not too scary at all :) By the end of the final fourth lesson all those present were at the top of the practise slope and doing well. There is this one kid who can't seem to pick anything up, we'll have to keep an eye on him... As for me I can stop on the Velcro like substance at Bracknell, turn right and almost turn left. Should be fine as long as we only have to turn in that direction ;) I've heard it's much easier doing it on the real thing so here's looking forward to tomorrow when we set off for Austria and go skiing for real :)

Oh what a Bore and the joys of Bath

The highlight of the year so far might not have happened if we'd have gone for the earlier audition of Pointless (more on that later.) In a day reminiscent of Land's End and the Minarck Theatre, two Sundays ago turned up a complete turkey and utter gem in the same day.

It was an early start. Though being anything other than religious, Sunday is still the sacred day as it provides that most heavenly of things, the lie in. This went out the window as we set off in search of the Severn Bore, a natural occurrence with the promise of being more epic this year thanks to the crazy weather we were experiencing. I'm no Geographer and can't be bothered to Google the correct wording of the event so here's the distilled version. One minute water in a river is flowing one way, then there is a mini tidal wave as all the water from the sea filters into an ever decreasing space and then the river flows the other way, then gets higher, then lowers and flows the other way again. if that account sounded rather un-inspiring then i'm afraid that's because the event itself was. I'd driven 2 1/2 hours to stand in the cold and witness precisely what i'd just described. The tea being served in the local church was the usual tasteless stuff probably kept from when rationing was still in use and the non-event itself was crap. On the news previous bores had people surfing behind them on a big swell of water. Ours was apparently A 5 STAR one, I hate to imagine what a 1 star would have looked like. We waited around with a few other hardy souls watching the water gradually rise until we all got bored and moved on. A delightful opportunity of a lay in wasted for this? Not happy...

Still, the day wasn't over, on we went to Bath. The 'bore' at Minsterworth may have turned into another Statue of Liberty and Lands End in that I could say I've seen it but wouldn't rush back but Bath would prove to be my Minack. I don't mind admitting I was feeling pretty cheesed off as we entered Bath. The traffic was bad and car parks proved a nightmare to get into for any vehicle bigger than a unicycle. We eventually parked up, got a map and went wandering. The point of visiting Bath was to scope out the start of mine and the Old one's next Summer adventure, the Bath to Reading walk. That kind of went out the window as we stepped into the beautiful old English town. It reminded me of London in the little details and everywhere you looked there was something quirky to look at. We stopped off for a pee break and found the most delightfully random resteraunt I've ever seen. There were cricket almanacs going back to the mid fifties, a pbloushondy of different styled chairs, deer heads on the wall with various hats on them, it was if the PB itself had been turned into a café. Lunch went down a treat, especially as the loose leaf tea was served in a proper porcelain cup and saucer with milk from a kilner jar.

This tea theme quickly spread as there were loads of tea rooms, each serving several varieties of loose leaf tea, one even serving Oolong! After a walk along the start of the Kennet path we came to Sally Lunn's, a tea room dating back hundreds of years and highly regarded by people who know about those sorts of things. It felt like stepping into Alice in Wonderland land with loads of little room with ridiculously low ceilings. Afternoon tea was as good as anything down in cornwall and Devon with a pot of Russian Caravan tea and the establishment's speciality Sally Lunn Bun that's not a bun, a beast of a thing covered in cinnamon butter, something quite hard to put into words how lush it is. I'll be popping back to my new bolt hole asap, definitely before the walk and especially now I know my joint favourite second cousin works down there. Proof positive at the reason I've fallen back in love with the Purple Book after a challenging year last year. Stray away from the well worn path and you discover places like Sally Lunn and the Hall and Woodhouse restaurant and fall in love with a new place.

Pointless

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name their favourite quiz show and most of them chose Pointless. The once secluded little show on BBC 2 is now cult viewing for the masses with streams of people applying to be on it. One of the purple entries is marked 'appear on a gameshow' and pointless definitely fitted the bill, even if it meant bringing someone along for the ride. The old man was up for it, we'd filled in a registration form a few months back and thought nothing of it. That was until I got a call at work asking me if I was still up for trying to get on the show and said they had an audition space that Sunday if we were free. That was the Severn Bore Sunday and Dad was down to do his 'who had the best football pitch / swamp competition' judging so it was a no at that point. I then had a call the following week with a new date for the week after, 2:00 in Dad's least favourite place, London. The response from work was great, everyone was really excited for us, the first time everyone was unanimous in their approval of a purple entry. I'd been warned by the old one not to dress too wacky and in turn I told him to avoid beige at all costs. We packed our ID, thought up our interesting facts about ourselves and were on our way. Out of curiosity I asked Dad was his fact would be. Opting for the quirky approach, Dad said he was into threesomes as he did various tasks such as going to the gym and visiting the elderly relatives 3 times a week. I was keeping my fingers crossed he was saying this just to freak me out. "He wouldn't", I thought...

Because of the weather causing havoc we left early and despite a bit of disruption got to the venue in Holborn in plenty of time. After a cheeky scone and a cup of tea we went to the Double Tree hotel where the auditions were taking place, looking forward to whatever we'd be getting up to. The other auditioners starting to show up, Dad was amused by the brother and sister pairing around his age with matching tablets, he did his best miming impression of one of them swiping their finger across the screen. He'll wake up to the 21st century eventually bless him ;) Eventually this bloke built like a bouncer came and started faffing around with the keycard entry of the door we were going to go through. I'm still not sure what he was doing but he managed to lock the two girls that were busy munching their lunch. They were eating sushi (only in London!).

A few minutes later the door opened and we were greeted by Amy and Sarah, our very own Xander and Richard's for the day. This wasn't a surprise as with 4 auditions a day, several days a week we would never be seeing the real deal until the show itself if we ever got on it. We all sat around the big oval table while the girls went through the formalities. From the off everyone was made to feel relaxed and welcome, despite doing this for a while both girls had great enthusiasm and genuinely seemed to love doing their jobs. After filling in some basic forms we had a timed general knowledge test on paper, three minutes to answer 20 questions (not all that easy ones either, especially under a time limit.) We then moved onto a demo version of the show, with a flipchart being used as the game screen. Instead of the sound effects with the 100 - 0 bar we'd be making our own as Amy's pen moved down towards zero as everyone gave their answers. The first two rounds we all did on our own, the topics were Chemistry and Countries. Sarah had already let the cat out the bag that Chemistry would be the periodic table so I knew I had a fair chance at both, Dad looked panicked at that one so I stepped up first for that one. "Name an element that starts with a vowel". Quite a few to choose from but which is the most obscure? I went for 'Argon' but the first guy up, our secret ministry of defence hush hush chappie beat me to it. After the guide dogs for the blind puppy trainer went I had a punt at 'Iodine' and it came up with 17 points. Dad was enthusiastic in his applause for me, lacking only a set of pom poms to go all out cheerleader on me. The other scores came in from the Mathematicians, the trainee doctors, retired actor and other pair, most of which seemed to have been born with a silver spoon inserted.

Dad's turn, he'd already outdone himself with his interesting fact (yes he did mention the 'threesome' bit...) and was now about to dazzle with his knowledge of Geography "Name a country with the letter 'Y' in it." The order was reversed and after the nerd / wannabee stand up comic and second trainee doctor had spoken it was Dad's turn. "Yemen" was the reply. Silence. The answer was fine, the problem is that we were being filmed and would most definitely be filmed if we made it on the show so the trick is always to elaborate on one's answers to make the show watchable. After a bit of prompting Dad added how he chose that answer instead of Italy, the country that no one had mentioned yet. Bless him... time will tell whether his comedy genius will be our triumph or undoing as to getting into the show but it's given me and all who have heard it a laugh so way to go Dad x ;)
Final round and we're allowed to pair up and confer. The topic is top 100 BBC sitcoms of all time. Any easy question to answer but a tricky one to come out ahead in. We had several answers but Dad let me plump for a potential 'Pointless', especially as our points on the day were merely to see how well we worked as a team with no prize up for grabs. I went for Lenny Henry's 'Chef' where he plays a grumpy chef who insists on perfection n his Kitchen. I was pretty sure it was a show that had been on the beeb, it was just if it was in the top answer. Bad news, it wasn't! All present made the 100 point noise with everyone else getting pretty lowish scores with classics like Porridge getting really low points because there were so many choices to choose from. I had to Google the list on the way back to put my mind at rest, Chef WAS a bbc show, just not that popular it would seem! After that it was all over. 4 of the 7 couples were asked back in. We were told before that this didn't necessarily mean they were in and we weren't but me and Dad have our doubts either way we'll know by the end of the month if we're through to the next stage with no news being bad news. Time and The Purple Book wait for no one though, straight after that I booked myself up for three Color Runs this year and have had just enough time to type this before going on the Ski trip tomorrow with the school. Mallnitz Austria here we come. My own interesting fact about myself on pointless? Not hard to guess. It described a book which has inspired me to abseil the tallest building in my home town, walk over hot coals, and all manner of weird and wonderful things. Fingers crossed this year brings plenty more where that came from :)

Rossifer x

Brothers GRIM

28th August, the last entry in the Purple book and the fact the gap has been so big has pretty much summed up this year so far. Despite the epicness of Peru and the challenge of the Ridgeway, it's been far from a vintage purple year with various problems with the family rightfully overshadowing any thoughts on writing new chapters in the book. December would finally start to get things back on track though with a delightful entry I'd been promising myself for a while...

At work around a month ago, Carol,  a teacher and ex-army PT instructor was trying to convince a couple of people to do a challenge up her neck of the woods over in Aldershot. The challenge was 'GRIM', an 8 mile slog over an army training ground. The location is used to test army 4x4 vehicles as it has a variety of hills, ditches and whatever you call something that's bigger than a puddle but smaller than a lake (I'll call them 'Luddle's' until I'm corrected). A friend of mine Sarah was already up for the challenge and knew i'd be up for it as well, it was obvious there wouldn't be a crowd of us doing it as we gained the usual looks of bafflement and befuddlement from everyone else! Sarah share this unique bond of being very distinctive in our sizes and having a passion for most things random and purple tinted. We've already done two Color Runs and an activity day together and would now be getting ourselves caked in mud. We were to be joined by Elizabeth, arguably the most awkward person I've ever met but always a delight to hang out with. She said she was up for the challenge as well so our team of three, the Ghetto Badgers, was good to go.

The closer we all got to Sunday 1st December the more apprehensive we became. When we all signed up the weather was mild and the date was still a few weeks ahead. The weather was now cold, our fitness was far from perfect and the videos of the water and mud from previous races  certainly wasn't helping. I had my usual training regime of basketball and kung fu once a week and nowt else. There are sports men and women and there is me. I will always happily suffer just for the day and ache up to a week afterwards to do such events rather than spend weeks doing that most loathsome of activities - exercise! I have seen jogging cause the dislocation of my friend's shoulder and the crippling of many more so will be having none of it thank you very much. If I do ever get into the London Marathon I'll have to find some other way of getting myself ready...

The morning of the first day of December arrived. I was designated driver for the day and first up was to collect Elizabeth who lives just around the corner from where we work. Being awkward as ever she needed an early pick up as she had not managed to register on the race like everyone else and took 10 minutes to get out of her flat. A good thing we all love her to bits! A few minutes down the road we picked up Sarah and made our way to Aldershot. We couldn't have asked for better conditions, clear skies, a cool temperature and no wind. We pulled into the venue and I started to recognise it from the Night Terror race the year before. The route would be different and much more challenging as the GRIM course is more treacherous and so inadvisable to complete it at night. This time though there would be no need to break any ice in the 'Luddles' like there was last year! We parked up and started to kit up. I had a head cam with me this year, someone had mentioned it would be a cool idea to have one for the event and I wished I'd got one sooner. We spent the hour or so before the race warming up and trying to work out how to switch the head cam on. I had no idea if it was on, how long the battery would last or how much the memory card would hold but it seemed to be doing it's thing so I tried to make sure it was pointing in the right direction and getting as much of the atmosphere as possible.

You could say the Ghetto Badgers were one of the more distinctive teams running that day. I doubt you would have found another group containing a 6 foot 6 skinny man, a short large girl and possibly the only black woman within 5 miles. Elizabeth spent the first few minutes looking for anyone else who wasn't right. She was right, not only did we only see a couple of other ethnicities that day it seems that usually only white Brits, Aussies and Americans are crazy enough to do events like GRIM! We did have plenty of weird looks as we made our way to the start line, I don't know which of the three of us had the most attention! It made a change from me getting all the glances though ;) That eventually stopped was we were among the masses. We could see the pros from the rest, the ones who had all the lycra, head bands and running tops and doing all the right stretches and exercises. They're always welcome to rush off ahead and get their record times, I kinda think they lose an essence of what the event is about as most people just love the thought of doing something daft and not what time they do it in. A few minutes to start time they had two enthusiastic girls, one with a mega phone doing the pre-race warm up. Sarah was happy enough until they started doing the star jumps, it was the first time Elizabeth had joined us for one of these so it was great to see her so up for the event. I had the camera turned off as I'm guessing any audience would have had vertigo watching everyone jumping up and down!

The race was just about to start, we had another warm up and another countdown and eventually they started the race. The camera was switched on, it was flashing so I guessed it was doing it's thing. The pre-match banter was about Elizabeth racing off ahead and we and Sarah bringing up the rear. As i'd done zero jogging training I had no idea what sort of pace i'd be doing and had stuck with Sarah on the two Color run's we'd done. It was clear after a while that the distance and terrain was going to be much more of a challenge than she'd expected so she stayed near the back and I went off ahead with Elizabeth. We came up to the first small bit of mud and that set everyone off. In all the races like this I've done the first sign of anything wet or mucky gets a reaction from people. A few of the blokes jumped through the puddles and kicked water over people with the chorus of "Run through every puddle". We were passed by the three wise men and some shepherds who called me their Jesus because of my face fuzz, a few super heroes and the cast of Baywatch also rocked past. There was a bloke in a wedding dress and all together way more people dressed up than there was for the night terror the year before where dressing up was encouraged. I was feeling a lot fitter than expected so stayed with Elizabeth who was setting a pretty good pace.

The course started off easy in terms of obstacles which of course was my Achilles heel. The reason I do events like this is BECAUSE of the obstacles. The obstacles are what make the event memorable and exciting and also offer a breather from the jogging itself which is my weakness. About halfway through the race though they started to introduce the 'GRIM' aspect of the course. The Luddles came thick and fast and got deeper as the race went on and the mud became thicker and more common. At one point the water came up to the top of my thighs, I remembered thinking if i'm having trouble getting through this stuff then how the heck is everyone else getting through it, especially our vertically challenged but horizontally unchallenged Sarah. In the deepest Luddle section of the rest there was a large group of people cheering us on. A group of them were also chucking small rubber ducks at us for some reason so of course I snuck one of them as a cool souvenir (yoink!). The marshalls were egging us on and having a right go if anyone took the easy option when faced with a water or mud section. It was great having a mixture of coy people trying anything to stay clean and the nutters doing the exact opposite. The water sections were easily the best part as they cleaned all the mud off your shoes and legs (even though you could hardly feel your toes afterwards!). Between miles 5 and 6 I was feeling knackered but managed to find something of a second wind after that. I wanted to catch up with Elizabeth who was a couple of minutes in front but in the end was happy enough were I was, the banter was great with the people I was running with especially the brother and sister team with the 'sibling rivalry' t-shirts.

Right at the end I was feeling knackered but eager to run across the line after the final water section. I'm no athlete, and times mean nothing to me but when you are surrounded by the same group of people near the end of the race it's always great to finish ahead of them, especially when 3 of them had t-shirts saying 'I run like a girl, keep up' ;) We all had timing chips around our ankles and a nice touch about this race was the fact the guy at the finish mentioned everyone's name as they crossed the line so I waved my arms in the air when I heard my name. I couldn't find Elizabeth so darted straight to the car to quell the inevitable pain that I knew would be on its way. I'd finished the race without any incident but knew what was coming; whenever my knees get cold and wet they always end up in pain. The adrenalin of the race eventually wore off and, as expected, painful knee syndrome popped up. A quick change of clothes and frantic knee drying got rid of the worst of it, as soon as I was dry I went on the look out for Elizabeth as I knew Sarah wouldn't finish for a while to come. I found Liz rapped in foil at the finish, she'd finished a minute or two in front and was obviously competitive and she was unhappy with her time and was already discussing smashing the time next year. We waited at the finish line waiting for Sarah, plenty of people came and went but still no sign of her. A few minutes of stragglers but still no Sarah. Eventually, a very tired and muddy looking Sarah staggered towards the finish. She still had the final water section to go through and was in no rush to go anywhere. Elizabeth had a word with the guy with a Microphone and ensured she got a great reception when she crossed the line. She was head to toe in muddy water, with a big tear over her leggings where she'd obviously tripped up somewhere. She had no idea she's cut her knee until Elizabeth told her. We all limped back to the car got changed and took Sarah back to the first aiders who padded up her knee, nothing too serious although the advice of "go to the doctor if you experience any flu type symptoms didn't help".

A fantastic day. The weather was perfect, i'd done a great event i'd been meaning to experience and document for a while and done it with two people who are fast becoming great friends. We'd all seen Carol, the woman who had given us the idea, a few minutes into the race and she'd taken our pictures. The head cam was a great success, i'd heard it bleeping at me around mile 7 so reckoned that a) there was a good chance it had worked and b) that noise was it switching itself off. The following day everyone was eager to hear how it went. Most people are aware of my purple antics and this time it was even better as three of us were involved in it. Sarah who had been through the worst of it diring the race had the last laugh. Finishing the race after most people has it's advantages. The official race pictures of me and Elizabeth were at best average but all of Sarah's were perfect! Stood alone covered in mud the camera man must have had a field day with her and it is pictures like these which make it all worth while. It's the question most people ask with events like GRIM "Why on earth would you want to do something like that?" When most people were running on auto pilot on that Sunday doing normal everyday things, we were having a great time doing something so different. When we look back on pictures like Sarah's we are reminded that there is something more to life than the rat race and in my case it's the book that has been re-opened by GRIM.

 

Rossifer x

Results: -
The winner - 43 minutes 28 seconds (show off!)
Elizabeth - 1 hr 26 minutes 28 seconds
Rossifer - 1 hr 27 minutes 44 seconds
Sarah - 2hr 11 minutes 46 seconds

Just in case the video's don't link up properly, here are the links: -

Pre-race banter - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152384843294409&l=2363459057693914830

Wet wet wet - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152393493539409&l=4988751006731009943

Bring on the mud - https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152393527524409&l=2478416107983444411

Jenko & The Bear walk the Ridgeway

August, usually a delightful month in the sense it is usually spent completely away from work for all but Saturdays with only the odd day spent doing timetables and exams. Mornings last an hour or two with late risings and afternoons spent planning which pages of the Purple Book to fulfil next. This year would prove differently. I remembered thinking as Big Ben sounded a second after 23:59:59 December 31st 2012 that Peru would be the only thing to look forward to in 2013 and unfortunately I've been proven half right. The first half of the year passed without much drama but soon after things started to take a turn for the worse on both sides of the family. August, contender alongside December for the year's greatest month was turning into the worst month of our lives. The one thing that would get us away from all the misery would be a big family event, in this case a sponsored walk to raise money for Al the Legend's charity MNDA. The Ridgeway, reportedly Britain's oldest road would give us 6 days from everything and everyone and give us something positive to focus on.

Going back at least 5,000 years, the Ridgeway stretches from Overton Hill near Avebury to Ivinghoe Beacon beyond Tring and was used right back to our Prehistoric ancestors. Mum had come up with the idea of walking it as I was looking for the next big thing for my birthday. The 3 peaks challenge was proving a bit too big for the other two so the Ridgeway seemed a bit more manageable with the added bonus of it being local so people could join us on the way. The training for the walk began months in advance. I had Peru booked and was getting ready for that and Dad was starting to realise that doing the walk in jeans, trainers and cotton socks wasn't really going to cut it. Doing Peru had helped my trekking experience no end. The thing about going on walking expeditions is that you learn something new every time. Peru had taught me about walking techniques and hydration and the Pennine Way before that gave me invaluable lessons on brining the correct kit. In a role reversal it was the son giving his father advice and despite the odd bit of sarcasm he seemed to be taking it all in. The first time you go for a 'proper' walk you soon realise it is much harder than a simple walk down the local shops. Dad started to do practise walks every Sunday to break his new shoes in and more importantly to get his feet and limbs ready for what was to come. A lifetime doing sport means nothing if you're doing something your body has never experienced, in some ways it makes it worse as you have to use specific muscles and joints in ways you've never had to before.

After all the months of training and planning it was suddenly time to go. Naturally with Mum driving the car we had plenty of everything we could possibly need (except leg room sat in the back seats! ;) ). We'd been joined by Sheila, Mum's friend she met whilst volunteering as Games Makers in the Olympics last year. Mum was still in a dark place after all that had happened with all the relatives and Sheila was perfect in keeping Mum distracted as well as cheering me and Dad on. She joined us on all but one day when we were joined by my favourite Godparents along with Brad and Ni.

Day 1 saw us driving to Avebury and Overton Hill, start of the Ridgeway. The first day was spent on the route's gentle introductory walk; a mere 9 miles with only one average hill to walk up and pretty easy ground conditions on the whole. After a few minutes we were joined by Al the Legend, Chris, Vicky, Phil and baby Joseph. Ever since Al did his walk in Forbury park that time and thus earning his legendary status me and Dad have been looking for suitable events to honour him and his effort on that day. Short of walking to the moon and back we'll never top his day, and rightly so. We all took a few promo pics, which will undoubtedly end up in a newsletter somewhere, and where then waved off with yours truly having to quickly dash back to get my hiking sticks, the very ones I credit with getting me through Peru in one piece. The walk was a mirror image of the first practise walk for most of it, the only addition was leaving our mark on a handily placed whiteboard a mile or two into the route. The views were unchanged, we'd passed people on bikes, horseback and motor bikes. We did meet one girl on route though who unexplainably decided to topple into a puddle right in front of us. Being the gentleman that I am not only did I rush straight over to help, I waited a good few seconds after passing her before me and the old one burst out laughing ;)

Day 1 also started the tradition of non-events on the walk when it came to land marks. What looks like the world's biggest tree from afar is merely a group of trees creating an optical illusion, 'the' white horse is one of seven which you can't see on the route and Barbury Castle is nowt but a few hills and a hole in the ground, I felt a bit cheesed off after going up the one steep hill on the day to be greeted by a glorified bunker covered in grass. After the confined tracks at the start of the day we walked out onto vast fields with great views of the 'rolling countryside' so famed in the area. The problem with said countryside is that you soon become blasé about it. With no trees, mountains, lakes, corners or landmarks you find yourself faced with the same views you saw half an hour ago. I have to say I felt this way about the first 3 days of the trek with regard to the views. Unfortunately after the easy going first day things started to get much trickier.

Day 2, directly across the road from where we'd ended day 1 but a world apart. This would be a common theme throughout the walk, every day brought with it a completely new walk. Over the road we were faced by a sudden, steep hill on much rockier terrain. The easy going underfoot from the previous day had been completely changed with loose stone and hardened mud. The old one had to slow me down several times as I tried to canter off ahead. We originally had 12 miles down as the target for the day but would later have a shock on our hands. In a way we were also against the clock. The afternoon involved getting arrangements sorted out for Granddad's funeral with the other two Sutton girls so time was of the essence. Dad had with him a pedometer of sorts which he was using to pace his journey. he reckoned he had a certain number of steps for every mile he walked and thus used this to judge how far we'd progressed every day. Unfortunately this seemed to be playing up on day 2, There's only so many times I could have heard 'should only be a mile more to go' before blowing a fuse, especially after having a disagreement with some nettles growing by a map on the route. When we eventually got to the end of the stage we were knackered, with good reason. After day 3 I did some research and found that instead of doing 12 miles non stop we'd done just over 16 on hard terrain. On the plus side we'd still gotten back in time to deal with Granddad's funeral. A memorable part of that was whilst looking for a jacket to bury him in. Glyn picked up one of them, had a quick look through the pockets and found a receipt from her, dated 7 years to the day. Call it fate or a sign depending on which side of the fence you stand, it certainly brought us closer together at that moment.

Day 3, no time restraint especially as it was the first big day 16 miles (or so we thought). It was Sheila's turn to drive and she did so in her swanky convertible car. The bucket seats in the back were great to ride in but a bugger to get in and out of. She wasted no time in getting to our starting point. Doing 80mph in one of our cars feels very fast indeed but is effortless in a sporty VW. This day was by far the worst of the trip for me. The previous day we'd had Wayland Smithy and another white horse to look at (and we actually got to see both this time!) this day had no such niceties to look at. Add to that a hot day with very little protection from the heat and a hard chalk road which had been churned up after years of pedestrian and vehicular use. It was great at lunch though, our first actual break as we'd simply eaten on route before and we were joined by Aunt Norm and Great Uncle Cyril (as well as some random guy with some homing pigeons). Mum had brought us lunch, a frozen bottle of squash and a parasol to sit under. Annoyingly, straight after lunch my Achilles in both heels started to play up with every step being really painful. Needless to say at this point I was starting to get well and truly fed up of the walk. I needed things to change very quickly and luckily enough, they did. Despite being knackered and damn near crippled we ended up at the Bull at Streatley. The sight of tea and ice cream was a delight, with the added bonus of meeting and old friend from school who was working at the Bull. He couldn't believe how much i'd grown and I couldn't believe how much he hadn't (mind you everyone looks small to me!).
As I hobbled back to the car in my post walk flip flops this had been a much needed boost. The other had come earlier on when I was greeted by a random group of walkers. They saw mine and Dad's charity T-shirts and asked me about why we were walking. After telling them about 'Mandy' (Mum's nickname for the charity) and The Legend they gave me £10 in sponsorship. Ralph and Anne, a big thanks to you both and also to my guardian if you exist and made it happen.

A quick aside just in case you think I've started bible bashing. Far from being religious, I've always been very straight minded when it comes to anything supernatural; too many quacks and fraudsters out there and i'm having none of it. There have been however a few times on epic purple book events, most noticeably Find the bridge parts I and II, where I've had interventions at times where I've been closest to giving up and needed help the most. I can't explain it and quite frankly don't want to. As with most things i'll remain postimistic about it all, expect nothing and except everything new and good that comes my way. Moving on...

Day 4, good in so many ways. Slightly cooler weather, breeze blowing, walking close to the river and off course being joined by My favourite godparents and grandkids Brad and Ni. David had his best jeans on, Buncy her trail finder trainers but it was Ni who was best dressed in short shorts and converse shoes. If there's the slightest hint of sarcasm sensed in this paragraph it's purely accidental... Mind you David did accuse me and the old one of showing up in fancy dress. I have to admit we did look like Bear Grylls and Ranulph Fiennes after raiding a hat shop. Dad came up with the idea of a different hat for both of us each day. The promise was of a short, gentle walk for the group before stopping for lunch and me and the old one doing another 9 - 10 miles. The lunch stops for the days was something of a mystery to us each day. Despite all the planning we were never sure on what time we'd get to each venue or how easy it was to drive there so had to stay in regular contact on the phone. The walk was brilliant. Great views, soft underfoot, plenty of shade and great company. The pace was also spot on as well. Days 2 and 3 had come close to breaking the pair of us, especially after finding out we'd misjudged the distances. We'd seen a sign two miles from the end of the previous day telling us we were approaching half distance. After doing a spot of research that evening I calculated we'd done around 6 miles more than planned which really helped to get our spirits up.

The slow pace helped my heels and the soles of Dad's feet to recover. We'd also started to walk through my personal favourite, woodland. I guess i'm living up to what Dad's always feared from me in turning semi-hippyish, with good reason for our trip. Woods meant shade, soft ground and of course beautiful and varied views. The mood started to change though as the topic of where we were stopping for lunch came up. With the usual uncertainty of our stop we walked a little further, and a little further again. I could tell Dad was getting nervous as he darted off in front to see where Mum was. The group's pace had also quickened at this point as our fellow walkers were beginning to feel the pinch. At one point Brad and Ni were close to refusing to take another step. Eventually though we saw the silver Focus and a row of folding chairs laid out for us. We sat and had lunch and then me and Dad left everyone to it. I'm told Brad and Ni both fell asleep on the car journey back, so much for the energy and exuberance of the youth ;) The two of us strided off and quickly found a new rhythm which had been lacking from the previous two days. Later on we came to our first problem when it came to directions. The Ridgeway is noticeable for it's near perfect signage. Whereas the Pennine Way is merely strewn with the odd cairn here and there (piles of rocks to you and me) the Ridgeway had proper signs, black signs with clear white writing and an acorn symbol. It is this symbol which we started to rely on from day 4 onwards. We reached Nuffield and found ourselves flummoxed. Where were the signs? We'd later find out that golf courses and the bigger settlements on the route are very snooty about this sort of thing and don't want to advertise the fact any Tom, Dick or Harry (or Ross or Paul) can walk through. We were faced with a country road going two ways, a nettle strewn path or entrance to a golf club. The locals seemed baffled as to the paths route (also a common theme) so we tried in the golf club. A couple of helpful members guided us through the course which involved following various wooden posts all showing the acorn symbol which went across several fairways. We hopped across looking out for any stray balls flying through the air and followed the route Mum had given me over the phone. A few more miles after that and it was the end of the day's trek.

 

Day 5. Starting the day with just the two of us and feeling relatively fresh we motored off towards Wendover where we'd be spending the night. As well as passing what seemed like the umpteenth 'White House' we knew we'd also be walking alongside Chequers, official holiday shack of Sam Cam and the PM. Day 4 had really turned things around for me as I was loving the walk. The scenery for the day was the best we'd seen so far in my book. As well as lovely forests we also walked through crop fields where I took my favourite shots. I had this image of the start of the great novel 'Of Mice and Men', i'll leave you to decide which one of us it George and which one is Lenny... Despite being a much easier day than days 2 and 3 it gave us the biggest challenges. Be sure that Dad won't be forgetting the name of the steepest hill of the route, Brush Hill was pretty epic in its continuous steepness, we both needed a breather after that one! Despite a bit of dodgy signage we eventually made it to our overnight stop. Wendover is a delightful little place, even if the locals appear a bit vague at times. The Red Lion Hotel would have appeared luxury after our efforts even if it was a 2 star haven but it was that and more. The great looking rooms ticked the 4 boxes i'd been hoping for; Shower, bed, kettle and TV. Within minutes of arriving it was bliss. The cup of tea, despite having a pretty rank blend in it still went down a treat, the shower felt like getting caught in a perfect rain storm, the bed felt great and it was Man vs Food on the telly, bliss. Mum brought in another frozen bottle of orange, dinner was ham, eggs and chips and after a spot of Big bang theory and 101 things removed from the human body on the box it was time for sleep.  

Final day. Breakfast at the hotel where the old one called me a tart for choosing pancakes and syrup for breakfast. As it was my birthday I promptly told him to do one and would later berate him after he complained his full English brekkie was threatening to pop back up to pay him a visit. As well as loving the idea of pancakes and syrup for breakfast and never being ar$ed to do them myself, I'd had them in New York so was remembering another great birthday which I hoped this one would be. After getting a bit lost at the start of the day 6 trek we eventually found the route again. We'd asked 3 elderly women and a rather nice looking resident in a nightdress who all seemed clueless as where to go but we sorted it in the end. Getting lost turned into a theme for the day as later on we'd find ourselves lost twice more, going half a mile out of our way at one point. Day 6 had the most memorable sections to it for me. Dad had told me of two of his four great fears. We didn't come across any frogs or rats on the route but in the same day were faced with a stampeding group of white faced sheep (who knew!) and a footbridge over a main road.

The sheep scenario was Ok as he had me with him (bless!) but it was a case of a bridge too far when crossing the A41. While I wanted to look over the side and take pictures I was ordered to keep talking to him and walk VERY slowly right in the middle with him holding onto my backpack! It was after that we missed one of the usual black signs and walked a while in the wrong direction and had to double back. On the same day we came to our lunch stop in Hastoe, a tiny village with a touch of quirkiness I always love. It didn't go down well with the old one when we had to double back to meet up with Mum and Sheila after mis-judging the stop point. We were quickly bundled into the back and drove down to road to the lunch point. Shortly after that, my favourite part of the walk through Tring Park. This was by far the most beautiful forest we'd been through with huge trees. We were also within single figures for miles to our destination. We eventually reached Aldbury Nowers which is the entrance to Ivinghoe Beacon. The long gradual climb up to the top gave us our final glimpse of the great scenery which now took on more significance as we reached the end of the trip. At the end it was not the welcome we'd planned with all the games makers and the like, just a group of mates who we asked to take our pictures. It did help that the girl taking our pictures was completely stunning so every cloud and all that.

Mum phoned us up at that point as she was in the car park a short walk back from the finish point. Me and Dad walked back and were eventually joined by my favourite godparents and The Legend and his clan. It was great to have everyone there who had supported us the most during the trip and it was brill to hear of all the donations pouring in which we're so grateful for. At the time of writing this we're around the £1,700 mark which I think is pretty epic considering none of us belong to any big businesses. The others may be upset not everyone replied to the begging letters but i'm so happy with the amounts coming in from those who have given, seriously generous stuff so a huge thanks to everyone whose helped us.

A big congrats to the old one for completing what he's calling his very own Peru. Despite falling over in that ditch (forgot to mention that bit...) he got through the walk relatively injury free which isn't bad considering he's in his 60s. A big thanks to our great support crew in Mum and Sheila. Yes they may have been sipping tea and eating ice cream at certain times while we were trekking out in the later 20s on hard ground but they were always there to keep us going and look after us after each day. A year's break until the next biggie which will probably be the Bath to Reading walk I've been promising myself for a while now. So many walks and ideas, so little time. As long as Al the Legend draws breath and continues to inspire i'll do whatever it takes to help his charity out. As for the Purple Book, another worthy entry and timely good experience to end this truly crap month on. May life be infinitely more enjoyable from this point on for yours truly and everyone I hold dear.

Rossifer / The Bear xx