All because the lady loves...

Summer Omnibus - Cymru

After Scotland, a brief respite before mine and Dan's first holiday together - Camping in Wales. We both had mixed feelings about this before heading off for different reasons. Danielle, a lover of all the details of a trip away was being kept in the dark about all but the fact the location would be somewhere in Wales and that at least part of it involved the rather alien concept of camping. To confound this, the forecast for our week away was far from rosy. Wales threatened to live up to it's famous wet weather by tipping it down for the whole week after a month of sunny splendour. As well as having the task of finding us plenty to do while we were out there, I'd also have the secret fear of whether Mavis would last the journey and get us there and back without breaking down!

The two or three days before were rather frantic, booking up the last few venues and activities and trying to remember all the things needed for a camping jaunt. Yes we'd have all the mod cons of toilet blocks and hot showers to look forward to but we'd still be spending the night in a tent, with the added bonus of planned downpours for the duration. The day eventually came to set off and Dan had brought just about everything she could think of cloth and bedding wise (luckily so as I can't stand sleeping bags, still can't find one big enough to fit yours truly :-S After picking Dan up Mavis was loaded and ready to go, the weather at this point was gravy enough and an easy drive down meant we'd be getting there in the day time to pitch up. Our destination was Abergavenny where we'd be spending a lot of the time down there, The tent went up on the third attempt (it's a been a while!) and everything we needed was piled into our portable home. Bliss I thought, I'm in my favourite country in the world with the girl I love and all is well. Queue the rain. I love camping, I really do. When it's dry, and still. Camping in the wind and/or rain has the potential of being as enjoyable as watching an episode of Jeremy Kyle or Mama Mia whilst sober. The strong winds down in Brighton and the heavy rain up around the Pennine Way had pushed my love for this simple pursuit to the limits and the Welsh weather was threatening to do the same as Danielle's fears over camping were coming to fruition. I was still confident though as I'd already confidently stated I'd never been washed out of a tent. After an hour or so a few drips were starting to make there way through, I'm not sure if it was me blanking them out or the super human senses of my beloved that picked them up first but it was soon clear we'd have to do something to sort it out. It was either get in the car, camp out in the disabled loo or get out and sort it so on went the water proofs (well, closest I've got) and out came the black bin liners covering the top of the tent. I'm not a religious man but I was praying they'd do the job, at least until morning...

Success! Despite looking a right state the next morning they'd done their job and we'd stayed dry. Aside from the showers with the kid who wouldn't stop singing in them and another dampish morning we were still more than happy enough. We made a decision to avoid a second night in a row outdoors, favouring a hotel for night 2. It was Sunday, and Dani's time to do the organising. I'd deliberately kept a couple of free days to see what there was to do down there and DM stepped up to make the day a bloody good one. It started off pretty nervy as the weather closed in again. We made our way to the Dan Yr Ogof caves and at one point on one of the main roads when the rain really started pummeling it down I don't mind admitting I have never felt so frightened in a car. Visibility was shocking, Mavis was feeling underpowered due to her emcumberment and the wind was making everyone sway to and fro. Dan was trying to book the hotel for the evening on her phone during the journey. She was keeping me in the loop throughout with the progress, blissfully unaware just how terrified I was feeling. Once the booking was made and the weather started to clear I think the penny dropped ;) The sun was now out and the scenery was looking gorgeous. Outside of the main towns and cities there are few areas of Wales not blessed with such beauty. We stopped off a mile or so out the caves at a breakfast van run by a lush couple, the guy from Wales and his wife from the south of England. The place was so nice the couple said the people who worked at the caves we were going to usually have their breakfasts there despite having their own café. We stayed there for a while drying ourselves off, had an epic breakfast bap and fish finger sandwiches then found the caves. They were a mixture of dinosaur models and caves, and wasn't as tacky as it sounded! The weather was being pretty generous even though we knew we'd be inside for most of it. For starters it was the biggest cave, Dan Yr Ogof, in terms of time it took to walk through it. I remember how cold it was when first walking in, water dripping throughout from the odd drip here and there to torrents of water. The cave was full of stalagmites and tites and those ones that join together. The voiceover guy being played throughout sounded just like Sabine from Fable III (move on all you non-RPG fans..) After that was the biggest cave in height, the cathedral cave. As soon as we walked in we heard classical music playing in the background and the sound of a waterfall, as we ventured further in we were greeted by it's true beauty. The fall started high up with walk ways taking you close enough to experience the spray as you walked past. At the end was a bit sectioned off which was obviously used for weddings, and apparently still is! For the quirky minded couple, you can get married in this delightful area of randomness and if my lovely lady chooses to spend the rest of her life with me the Cathedral cave in Dan Yr Ogof showcaves is right up there on my list of venues x  The final cave was memorable only as to the effort needed to reach it. After borderline altitude sickness for the two of us in the climb needed to reach it, we were then faced with a jaunt along what must be the lowest walkway in existence. On went the hard hats as we walked up hill and bent over to the entrance to the cave. The tour of that took all of 10 seconds before the delightful return journey!

After that we decided to have an hour or so in one of the local towns, followed by rescuing the tent in whatever state we'd find it before making our way to the hotel. The town was lush enough, nothing ink worthy aside from delightfully cheap parking prices, a slightly soggy seat in a nice wooded section and an oriental girl surveying us on a transport thingy. Back at the campsite from the night before and the tent had stayed (reasonably) dry. A dude was close to packing it away for us in case it blew away bless him. He also had the strongest accent of anyone I'd heard so far so was loving that! He put a few sprays of some sealant he'd got on him, which was nice. I divulge, moving on...
The Rat Trap, nice little place that Dan had found for us to spend the night in, run single handed it looked initially by a batman loving dude. After flirting slightly with Dan we had a chat over a pint of Ale and lemonade (at least I had the excuse of being the driver for the week this time...). When we got to our room we were greeted with such luxuries as a roof, bed, warm towels, shower, mattress and carpet. We didn't even use the telly in the end as we bathed in the tranquillity of indoors-ness. Camping outside in good weather is a joy to behold but sleeping indoors after a night out in the rain is heaven sent.

After brekkie, served by our bat tat, and once again, batman t-shirt wearing host, it was onward to another day's frivolity. The ultimate destination involved Danielle's love of cheese but on the way there we were on full 'spot the brown sign' mode. Success, a sign for a hedge maze. Wide eyed we shot off the main road in pursuit of this promise of variety. We'd scampered back over the border into Hereford and found a quirky place offering a garden centre, butterfly place, mini golf course, paintball thingy and hedge maze. We were slightly early so rocked up to the garden centre for a gander, walking away with some campervan memorabilia (which I WILL be putting in a real VW one day...). Next was the butterfly place, a chance to see them up close in their own version of paradise. The heat was turned up for them so it was time to layer down. As soon as we walked in one of the Owl eye ones landed on Dan's bag, obviously the more confident of species as it was mainly them being the more curious of the lot. There were loads of them on show from the non-stop randy blue ones to the delicate looking see through ones. Loved it. After that was mini golf, a very close game claimed only on the last hole by yours truly by a shot. And ahhhh yes the hedge maze, the star of the show and reason for our initial detour. A first for me, Hampton court it may not have been but the camp attendant welcomed us nonetheless into a cracking maze which bamboozled me for long enough and proving no trouble at all for a future genius of a small boy and his Mum who followed us in. Me and Dan decided to split up to see who reached the middle first, I was miles away for most of it, mockingly cheered on by Dani who started chuckling each time my voice ventured closer then ended up further away. I eventually made it to the middle to a lush stone seat and metal structure which did a delightful job of framing the ever photogenic DM. We left the maze and made our way up to the viewing platform, seeing various groups of people making the same mistakes we'd just done. Anything other than turning left at the entrance meant an eternity of dead ends and saying hello to yourself repeatedly.

We left our delightfully random find and journeyed on to the cheese place at Monkland Cheese dairy. Despite my famous lack of directional prowess and the saga of the exploding curry sauce we eventually rocked up to where Dan had been looking forward to seeing since first finding out about it. Danielle in a cheese dairy is up there with me in a tea plantation, as close to heaven as it gets getting your taste buds favourite entity straight from the source. We were just in time for the tour which saw us chewing some curds (or was it whey, always get them mixed up) and chucking one of them on the floor to hear it squelch. Lots of fun, even if the first bit tasted bloody horrible! To this day I still don't know which mould is good on cheese but the stuff we saw was covered in the stuff which is apparently a good thing (think i'll stick to my tea. One rule - Mould is BAAAD!). Lunch was lush as it included the best of both our worlds, cheese and tea. A whacking great slice of cheese, tea served in porcelain and probably the best tomato and basil soup I've ever had. After downing that lot and buying some nice black coloured jam stuff it was off to the evening's accommodation. Before leaving for Wales i'd promised Dan two nights there were not going to be in a tent. She'd already guessed the hotel to be stayed in after the weeks most physical activity (patience, you'll read about it eventually) but it wasn't until the lunch at the cheese place she'd wriggled out of me the semi details of where we'd be. When we reached the place I knew instantly I was going to love it. Hollybush Inn and campsite - home to chicken's with feathers on their feet, a sunken trampoline in the ground under a fruit tree, a lush river for canoeing, fishing or simply gazing at, a Nepalese / Thai restaurant and stars of the show, a group of gorgeous looking tipis in woodland. I booked ourselves in, grabbed the firewood and kindling (trying not to look like a woos as the logs were bloody heavy!) and had a chat with the woman who owned the place with another dude about the rules of the camp. She was just about as chilled out as is humanly possible without being drunk or high. The whole place seemed to have a hippyish feel to it in a way, anywhere that has chicken with furry feet roaming around and a friendly cat always has my vote :) We were the first people at the tipis which seemed to go in our favour. Barbara the owner radioed Colin who showed us the ropes once we'd driven down closer to the camp. He was just as chilled out. Despite the fact there was just the two of us he picked us out the biggest tipi in the corner so we could have some privacy. I couldn't get over how much room was inside and took a while to get used to standing up straight having been used to the confines of  the tent! We had a walk around the site and popped down by the river. You can forget how quickly it gets cold, even in August when you're outside so we got the fire going before having a few games of Rummikub. After a spot of trampoling to see who could pick the highest fruit from the fruit tree we ot some grub from the Nepalese place, played some more games with our headtorches on and toasted some marshmallows. Never has a foodstuff tasted so good after it's been in the fire for a few seconds, gorgeous gooey goodness :). Unfortunately the night's sleep was far from great. Despite the curfew put in place there were a few people who just wouldn't stop talking. At one point one bloke was terribly British in asking them politely if they'd keep the noise down. It didn't help that much but he at least gained a few sarcastic claps from yours truly who at this point was far from amused. Horseplay and Find the bridge part one all over again!

Come the morning and aarrrggghhh, panic! Some trebuchet had jumped a load of wood chippings part blocking the way out. The only way out would require going over a big bump of over a mini crevice but even scarier, both would involve reversing! :-S Knowing i'd be a bit nervy at this point Dan wisely went off to wash up the plates and cutlery we'd used the night before, any excuse to avoid seeing how i'd work my way out of this little ditty. I'm often awkward in my methods which baffles all and sundry and can only apply 'bloke logic' to half of what I do, the rest makes sense only in my head. This time though I was quite chuffed with my efforts. First off, grab one of the canoe oars, shovel a load of the stuff to the side ad check to make sure the space between the mound and the parked Mercedes was big enough. Secondly, perform an elaborate 8 point turn or whatever it was to face the right way, then drive monster truck stylee over the mound and off to safety. Success! Off we trundled, destination Swansea for an activity which brought us both excitement and trepidation in spades - Gorge Scrambling. This was the only thing Dani knew for sure we'd be doing as she had to pack correctly for it. Swimwear plus (weirdly enough) a pair of shorts to be worn over the wetsuit we'd have. First shock of the day was the venue. Upon reaching the building up the gravelly road we found out the actual venue of said scrambling of the Gorge was a bit of a hike back up he road we'd just come. Fearful for my Mavis, this wasn't great news but we were relieved to have a great couple of people who were the first we met there, Kevin and Sally. Sally was an ex lifeguard which instantly made Dan feel better and Kev, was just a really lovely bloke :) After getting all our gear we set off in an Italian job meets Convoy line up on the way to the scramble or 'Gully Bashing' as it was now known as. When I booked it I had no idea what to call it, the bloke on the phone asked me if I meant Gorge Scrambling and I said as long as it's the one in water that'll do me.

We pulled up and got ourselves into our wetsuits, hardly the most glamorous of things but needless to say DM pulled it off in style (if you find yourself reaching for the sick bucket at times like this then tough, i'm in love peeps x). Our guide got himself kitted up as well and the dude with him put on something which looked like one of those flying suit thingies but is basically a wetsuit with loads of zips in it. Off we all marched to the start of the scramble, the odd nervous laugh here and there the closer we got. We reached the edge of the water and there was a group in front of us. They told us it probably wasn't a great idea watching them go in because of their reactions to the cold water. My one fear throughout was the joke on the way there, how's it going to be for the tall guy, will the water be deep enough?! Ha de ha indeed but yep, was bricking it thinking about it. The group in front eventually all made it into the water. They asked for volunteers and Kev just beat me to it. I'm rarely the most confident in a group but am always up for going first. In he jumped without too much fuss other than generic 'ooh, it's a bit nippy'. Dani was due to go next, then me then Sally. The brief was to just jump in so the cold didn't put you off. All well in theory but this didn't work out great for Dan. For someone who hates cold water and having their head submerged under it you can have an educated guess as to how she found it. I can't remember seeing anyone looked more shocked and terrified in my life, how the words "What have you done to me?!" or something much ruder didn't pass her lips I will never know, must have been the shock of it all. All thoughts of how cold the water would be and if i'd break my legs on the way in went out the window as all thoughts were to get to Dan to help her out. Kev and Sally did a great job of calming her down as well, Sally especially stayed with her throughout as she was used to this sort of thing. After a couple of minutes Dan got used to the water, the wetsuits were doing their job of regulating the temperature of the water inside the suit to keep warm. We climbed out of the water and scrambled across a rocky bit following the stream. The rest of the group joined us, the others consisting of a bloke with his teenage son and another bloke with his daughters. Further up we had to take our life jackets off ready for the big squeeze, and my worst bit. We had to crawl through a tight gap, work our way onto a ledge then pull ourselves up to get back to wear we'd un-lifejacketed. Despite Dani 'lovingly advising' I was that flustered and bricking it I have to admit I was close to replying in a most ungentlemanly way. Eventually I made my way to the top, decorum was restored and all was well with the world. Life jackets back on and off we went upstream. We reached another plunge bit but this felt much gentler as we knew what to expect. We went through various scrambling bits, shimmying across walls and my favourite, climbing up through the rapids. The weather changed every few minutes from warm and sunny through to torrential rain but we cared not a jot as were we wetsuited up to the nines. Dani chose to face her big fear at one point by dipping her head under a cascading waterfall, it shocked quite a few people with how cold it was but Dan coped great with it. The old one wouldn't have fared that well though I reckon if he was there ;) Straight after that though came the limit for Dan who had reached the limit. It was a climb up a vertical wall with water coming down it. Fatigue and no upper body strength to speak of had taken it's toll so Dan and the guy with the two daughters had to sit that one out. The climb had taken the rest of us up to the bit I was dreading the most, the waterfall jumps. This was confounded by someone from the group before being a bit too girly and not wanting to jump and the route up which involved crawling across a narrow ledge with a torrent of cold water pouring over you. After i'd done that bit though, a wave of call it what you will came over me and I had the sudden urge to jump. The jump itself wasn't all that and i'd avoided breaking my legs until this point so I thought 'sod it', and in I jumped. WOW! What a feeling! I felt like I'd swallowed a bag of haribo then as I was so full of adrenalin and ready for the next jump. I looked over at Dan who was looking a bit gutted at this point at not being able to make the climb. All thoughts of jumping were a nono but the climb had put a dampener on proceedings. I was still buzzing at this point and after the first few of our group had jumped of the next bit it was my turn. "Aim for the green bit" was the advice, so I aimed for said green bit and blow me I jumped! The drop down seemed to last a while and the landing taught me in future to hold my nose to stop all the water going up it. Ow! GREAT feeling though, hard to put into words what it felt like (minus the nose full of water bit). At that point though i'd reached my limit as the next bit was a jump at least double if not triple the one we'd just done. I wasn't alone in calling it a day with that one, Kev had done the same despite the ever awesome Sally jumping repeatedly. I've never understood my reputation as an adrenalin junkie, not when people like Sally exist. I crave randomness and would happily forego a bungee jump or roller coaster ride in favour of a spot of duck herding. We'd reached the end of the day's frivolities and it was time to get changed, not easy when it's pouring with rain with a changing room with no roof and no other forms of shelter. Dani got changed in Mavis and I braved it outside getting dry when the rain eased.

We left the others and made our way towards the coast towards our hotel for the evening, a lovely little place called the Crescent. I'll remember this place for the nice little touches like the honestly jar if you wanted a drink, the first time we'd turned on the TV since crossing the border and the shower which didn't scold, even though I couldn't stand up straight in it, warranting a none too flattering photo op from DM! We were knackered when we arrived after the Gorge Scrambling so we collapsed into a pub to have lunch there. I was hungry like the wolf as neither of us had eaten since the night before so everything was polished off. The following morning at the Crescent, after the full breakfast works downstairs from the two lovely owners, we spent having a look around the area. A walk along the beach, then further along to a couple of museums, one with the industrial past of Wales and servers of some pretty lush citrusy welsh cakes and the other with a bit of everything thrown in from World War I to Egyptian mummies and a spooky looking model of an ancient celtic dude which freaked Dan out. We finished off at Joe's ice cream place, home to some cracking ice cream for those with a sweet tooth which seemed to have a weird effect on Dani. Eventually it was time to make our way to what we thought would be our penultimate venue, a campsite a few minutes drive away from the next day's events and right next door to the campsite which we'd spent our first night in. The drive down included a very hyper Dani bouncing around the car, now very high on sugar even though she's ended up with a smaller offering and I had the all singing all dancing beast of a vanilla and chocolate epicness of a sundae. Our campsite was at Wernddu golf cub where the weather started to ominously turn the second we rolled up in the car. At this point we were already looking at back up plans in case it started to pour and the tent started to leak. After putting the tent up the weather started to clear so we went for a walk in the local fields. The signs for the footpath seemed to disappear so we wandered back through the field of shocked and slightly disgruntled looking sheep and back towards the tent, just in time for the weather to start playing up again. At this point we both cracked up as by now we'd both been at the fed up stage when the bad weather came, the comedy timing just made it. The weather didn't last though and we had a largely trouble free night and perfect morning. The views over the sugar mountain were great with the colours of the sky, moments when silence is all that's needed and was granted.

The morning brought with it my surprise day. It would be a double activity day at the same venue but still a mystery to my Missy. It was to be a 5 minute journey in the car, or it would have been if Mavis hadn't decided not to start. My one fear for the week had been realised, lucky only that of all the times to let us down this was the least severe as we were so close to the desired venue. Out we walked and i'm afraid to say thanks again to my infamous lack of direction we ended up walking on the path of an A road. Dan was not amused. mainly it turned out due to my habit of sticking my head out towards oncoming traffic to see what was coming. Can't think why... ;) After climbing down the embankment through a wooden fence then down a steep bit we were on the right road and i'd been forgiven. We trekked up the new, quieter road, looking for a place that looked like it would do what we'd be doing, archery and falconry. Despite neither activity qualifying for the PB as i'd done falconry years ago and archery a few times, i'd loved them both and Dan had experienced neither. We eventually found the place, waited in the nice little café which sold local crafts and waited for our bird and bow man to show up. It was only me and Dan taking part this day, the group doing the Gully Bashing were great but now it was nice just to have the two of us doing something with our friendly teacher. First up after the tea and biscuits in his giant shed were the birds. We got to see three beautiful birds and handle two of them. One of which, a temperamental bugger did as our instructor said at one point and gave me a token whack with his wing when I turned my back to him by mistake. We each had a leather glove and each took turns to have the birds fly up to us. It reminded me how graceful the birds are, so easy love a carnivore as they are so much prettier than the thing they're hunting. The birds were put back in the van and it was out with the bows and arrows. The recurve bows were smaller than i'd used before so it was weird to hold it at first. I soon got my eye in and was hitting the yellows, I'd love to take it up as a hobby, ever since I tried it again for my Rossifer-tieth. Dan was her usual competitive self and after the odd bit of telling off from our chappie, soon found a way of lining herself up with one of the trees and hitting the middle of the target. We finished on a shootoff with three arrows each. Funny how the pressure of competition can affect you, we've already got that competitiveness in us to try and beat each other. In the end we both bottled it on a couple of shots with yours truly doing the double and edging it again by just one point as with the mini golf. Although the previous day had been an epic one this one was a true winner as we were both in our comfort zone with no white knuckle rides to speak of. At this point though I faced a problem. On the way back to Mavis I was a) praying that she'd start and b) thinking if she does, do I want to risk another night outside and the thought of her not starting again. In the car, a quick prayer and a turn of the key, she started. Dani has set aside the last day to do a bit of souvenir shopping but the decision was made to race to the border and home while she was working. A final day shopping in Abergavenny was instead swapped with a gaming day back home intertwined with unpacking and a shed load of washing. Success! I'd taken the love of my life camping to my favourite country on this earth and got the pictures to prove it. So many great people and places and weird little memories. The broad accented guy with the waterproof sealant, the amount of things we ended up doing and seeing yet never seeming to rush our time out there. Going through various conditions and coming out, more sure than ever, about my feelings towards Dan. Far from deterring me, spending 24 hours a day for just under a week with Dani had cemented my love for her and made me adamant I would happily spend the rest of my days with her. DM, Je' Taime.  



Rossifer x

Next up, the Bath to Reading walk and the as yet un-named 26.2 miler jobbie

Summer Omnibus

Over two months since the last post, the problem has not been lack of entries, merely finding the time to document them. Life with DM has shifted priorities in my life on a massive scale but the book is still ever present. Late July and August brought with it a plethora of activity, the details follow...

Sunderland Color Run & Scotland

Planned way before Danielle was in our lives, the trip to Scotland was to celebrate Mum's 60th birthday, the main focus was the Commonwealth games being held in Glasgow but it was the venue of our home for the fortnight that turned out to be the main attraction.

As it was such a special occasion, the decision was made not to stay in any old hotel or B&B in or around Scotland's largest city but to spend it in a lodge in the beautiful region of Loch Lomond. The two old ones went up first on the train on the Thursday to get the hire car and set up the lodge, Dani followed the day after and I went up after that. As with all holidays for my two it wasn't plain sailing at the start, I was later told the grim details of nerve jangling car journeys and places being miles away from where they were meant to be. They will have a problem free holiday one day bless them...

Before all this though it was a delightful aside for me, the Sunderland Color Run. I'm fortunate enough now to have friends in various location around the UK and the world, Lovely Jo in Manchester for that Color Run and my wing lady from Peru, Tracie from Newcastle who I ended up doing the Color Run with in Sunderland with her fella. Unlike the two old ones and Danielle, my journey to Scotland had a detour. I chose a simple enough B&B to stay in for my one night in Sunderland, the area I was in was far from glamorous and a hint at the saying 'grim up north'. I'm still baffled by this phrase though as everyone I've ever met up north has been proper lush. I remember passing a group of young guys who had the potential of looking threatening and I was loaded up with the beast and a second backpack looking a right old sight. As soon as they saw me though they just said hi and then kept talking among themselves. Put them in Reading and wait for the abuse to follow. I eventually reached my digs, I rang the doorbell and a lady came from next door to open up for me and show me what was what. The room ticked every box, there's a time and a place for luxury and this wasn't it, my own little world of luxury was there in front of me with the 3 basics for solo goodness; bed, TV and kettle. I went for a wander after un-packing the beast and found a cracking seafood place with some great views of the coast around me. I saw a group of fellow color runners with their t-shirts on for the night, I got the usual raised eyebrow for dining alone but all was well, especially with the linguine.

The following morning, something of a quandary. I certainly wasn't going to run 5km with the beast and a second pack on my back all covered in paint so the question, what to do with the beast? I didn't want to take it with me and risk storing it at the venue so I found a secluded little wooded spot close to the B&B, hid the beast and covered it in a poncho in case it tipped it down and went on my way. A good reason I didn't take it with me as the trams on the way there were packed with color runners. After watching two trams go past full of people I eventually squeezed onto the next one with damn near everyone pouring out at the venue's stop.

This was the first time i'd be seeing my wing lady from Peru since we'd parted back in Lima. As well as being the life and soul of the party she'd helped me get through my toughest day out there when my knees were feeling far from forgiving after the harshness of the day's trek. The A - Z game will remain a classic! This was tricky ground for Tracie and her fella though, two Geordies racing at the Stadium of Light, home to their sworn footballing rivals Sunderland FC. Yours truly was dressed up like a right tart, bright orange shades, twin purple rubber bands on each wrist and a brightly coloured tutu, acceptable only at a gay pride march or on a Color Run! Content on which side my bread was buttered though I was once again ready to get covered in powdered paint. The Manchester color run had been the biggest yet but in some ways this had spoiled the experience in having to wait to go through each gate because of the amount of traffic. Not only was this a smaller crowd but we were all at the front which was new in itself for me. I id my best to go as slow as possible for the other two. With the amount of people there I can walk quicker than most of the joggers much to their disbelief, it's only when the crowds start to dissipate that i'm able to stretch my legs. Highlight of the day had to be, "Get the tall one!". I take great pleasure in walking slowly through each colour gate getting as much of the stuff on me as possible. If you do so with your arms up in the air being as tall as I am the paint chuckers usually take great pleasure in getting you covered.

After we'd finished we went over to the stage where the dj was playing music and a guy on the mic was getting the crowd fired up and chucking goodies into the crowd. I managed to catch his eye a couple of times as he lobbed a couple of paint packs for me to give to Tracie. The best part of this is always the paint throw where everyone chucks the stuff they've been given up in the air, filling it with colour. I stayed for several of those until too many seconds had ebbed and it was time to go. It was hard saying goodbye to Tracie and the rest of her lot which had joined us, but Scotland was looming. I walked back towards my B&B from the night before hoping the beast was still there, was highly chuffed when I found it was :) After changing into some new gear and hastily washing off as much paint as I could it was back to the station and on to the main course. Sunderland had been a delightful appetiser and a reminder of how much I love the north. I remember the banter of everyone in Newcastle station, nothing but honest lovely people having a laugh with each other and the short guy I met on the train who talked with me until he got to his stop, good luck with your rugby training dude. I had Google Maps active on my phone and took a screenshot when I crossed the border I was back in Scotland.

After getting off the train at Edinburgh I had a call from Dani, my first contact for a while so I was trying not to well up. I had a few weird looks from many of the locals, one kid in particular just couldn't stop staring at me for some reason, not a lot of tall being in those parts i'm guessing. The train approached Glasgow and I got myself loaded up for the final time, now oh so happy to be train free for a few days after several hours stuck on them. Walking towards the ticket gates and I can already see the three of them. Mum doing what Mums do, Dad waving and already starting his usual set piece and Danielle as beautiful as I remember her. It's her I aim for as soon as i'm through, the two old ones by now knowing to let this be, they'll have their time with me as well but at that second all I want is to be in the arms of the woman I love. After a nice long hug i'm surrounded by a cacophony of noise as i'm filled in with the details thus far from all sides. In my absence the two old ones had gone through hell the first day to get the hire car and find our lodge, Dad had nearly had a nervous breakdown driving with speeding locals in adverse weather conditions and my wedding had already been planned, i'd be dressing up in a black wetsuit with a bowtie whilst engaging in water sports on Loch Lomond. Feeling slightly bewildered I soaked it all in as the four of us went on the long drive from Glasgow to Loch Lomond. After Dad's nervous stint over one of his dreaded high bridge drives, we started to see the beautiful sights found in that part of the world as we approached the highlands. As well as in jokes such as how long to wait for the traffic lights at the road works and 'are we going to miss our turning?' we eventually pulled up to our venue the Ardlui Retreat and I had found another little corner of paradise. The retreat was just that, a small gated community of lodges close to a lovely little hotel, water sports hut and more importantly right on Loch Lomond itself. I could tell the others were gaging my reaction as they'd already experienced it. The lodge was lush and had plenty of room, there was a hot tub in a separate hut, a washer room and a small sauna type room but my eyes couldn't stop looking at the Loch and surrounding landscape. I'd come up for the sports but had fallen in love with my home for the fortnight.

The first full day was Mum's birthday, 60 years old and time to celebrate. The day started of with a full 'Scottish' breakfast, a variation on a theme. The variety came in a fruit bun sort of thing which shouldn't had worked cuisine wise but was bloody good. this was followed by a boat trip out on the Loch further up the road and a walk through some lush scenery with a couple of waterfalls thrown in for good measure with a group of people tomb stoning. The weather was perfect, we all had a great time and Dani was with me for all of it, not much more you can say really, perfection.

Come come now, this is a Jenkins holiday so the whole trip could not have gone off without a hitch surely? How right you are, the curse still very much prevalent on my day when I roused everyone to conquer Britain's highest mountain, Ben Nevis. Standing at 1,344 metres, Nevis is a beast and not to be taken lightly, despite this though finding it isn't as easy as you'd imagine. We decided to leave the hire car at the lodge and after making ourselves lighter to the tune of £105 we were on the sleeper train to Fort William. The train up was memorable for two reasons, the first being 'that' view of a mountain that reflected so perfectly onto the stretch of water below it and Neil, the man who was way to passionate about trains. He asked Mum if we'd like him to do a bit of commentary about the sights on route, lovely thought Mum, thinking he'd pop along every 15 minutes of so for a quick bit of info. Unfortunately we were stuck with Neil bless him. Every minute detail about the landscape but mainly the train itself. We tried feigning sleep and even actively having conversations with each other but nothing was going to stop him embellishing every last detail he could think of. Sadly he had to leave us at Rannock station, me and Dad did our best to hide our excitement.

The train reached Fort William and we thought our task would be simple; look for the big neon sign pointing at the start of the trek up Nevis or ask any of the locals. Me and Dad would be climbing and the other two would meet us up there by travelling on the gondola/cable car which everyone assured us existed. After much faffing around the details of this were unsure so me and Dad took a taxi to the bottom, all seemed well. I'd been very strict with Dad in the morning making sure he'd packed enough water and warm clothes in case the very un-Scottish hot weather turned to cold while we were on the mountain. Despite stupidly packing only a few nibbles I thought there would be a shop near the base selling such stalwarts as energy bars and Kendal Mint cake, no such luck. We started off and quickly the heat made itself known. I had no sun cream on me (again, stupid) so everything was rolled up to stay cool, occasionally dipping a desert scarf in water and wrapping it around my head. Despite eternally mocking my trekking essential I knew I was winning Dad around to the idea of this as he told me he planned to wear one if we tried something like this again, my favourite black and white one goes with me everywhere it might be needed whether as a sling, towel, bandana, hand wrap or whatever it needs to be. The going was hard, before reaching halfway Dad had threatened to give up and go back. This clearly wasn't going to happen as he is and always will be a sportsman at heart with failure never an option plus he knew I would have followed him back down to look after him regardless of any protests which was simply not an option for him. We both pushed on, according to those coming back down the halfway point was upon reaching a plateau with a lake on the left hand side, this was a very welcome sight indeed, especially as the underfoot conditions were vastly superior and the slope was now a gentle incline. When doing something like the Ben Nevis climb these milestones are vital. It comes down to little victories when you're feeling so tired; 15 minutes to this point, 20 minutes to the next one, having something to aim for each time. My biggest boost came at the waterfall, a lush looking spectacle with various people stopping to take pictures. The next few minutes after that I felt weightless, stopping only to re-dampen my desert scarf to wrap it around my head.

Further up we were both starting to feel it, Dad looked completely knackered and his stops were becoming more frequent. Despite a bit of protest I used my scarf to get his body covered in water to cool his temperature down, after the third time this was being welcomed. More updates from passers by, half an hour to the snow. The 'snow' we thought, in such heat? We stopped at what we thought was the section by a little patch of snow until I took a sneaky look around the corner and saw a steep-ish jaunt covered in the stuff. At this stage I was now literally dragging Dad up the rest of the way, initially just because of the slippery surface of the snow but then due to sheer exhaustion. the summit seemed to take for ever to get to and when we got there it was a hive of activity. At the top was the three pointed symbol i'd seen at the top of Scafell Pike and Snowdon signifying the end of the climb. The views were spectacular. There was no white out like at Wales's peak but the one thing that was missing was a visible gondola. The promise from those in the know was to climb up and travel back down. I'd promised Dani I was going to summit with her and had put all my efforts into doing this, I was in for a shock. The two girls had been enduring their own struggle for the day trying to emulate our achievement. It seems no one in Fort William knows how to get a gondola up the top of Nevis because it simply doesn't exist. Mum and Dani had been led on a wild goose chase from the people in the tourist building, to the bus driver taking them to the gondola to the people working with the gondola. The penny only dropped when they were on the ride taking them up a completely different mountain with a picture of where they were with Nevis in the distance. Danielle, with fire in her belly and i'm guessing a mind for killing yours truly went and climbed the remainder of the mountain she'd found herself on, therapeutic in one sense and at least giving her her own sense of achievement in summiting one of the peaks.

After getting the text from Dani giving me the basic details I felt sick. Meeting her and bringing her up would take at least 4 hours and we'd all then have to go back down with the threat of missing the last bus and train very real. I'd put all my effort in getting up and seeing her so was now feeling completely drained. I knew how disappointed she'd be feeling in not reaching Nevis's Summit after an early start and an exhausting day up to that point. Seeing her at the top would have given me the boost I needed and having a gondola ride for most of the journey back would have been fine but instead the two of us now had to make the whole journey again. Very early on I began to suffer. The light headedness and lack of energy felt by Dad on the way up was hitting me like a tonne of bricks. After looking after him on the way up and taking some of his gear in my pack he was now well and truly returning the favour. He took my pack for most of the journey and stayed close as I went into pure survival mode. We reached the waterfall again and filled up our water bottles after seeing other people do the same and then saw a rescue helicopter. I was only half joking when I questioned to myself whether it was being sent for us. It hovered over our heads for a while and eventually picked someone up further up the mountain. I wonder if it was the guy who decided to do the trek with no shoes on, truly a sight to behold!

 

After what seemed like an age we eventually reached the bottom and the Nevis Inn where we'd started. I order two pints of lemonade and six mars bars then asked Dad what he wanted, heat and hunger had well and truly taken it's toll as I hadn't felt this drained since the Bog Snorkelling and Find the Bridge Part 1. I booked a taxi back to Fort William station to meet up with the others where we were greeted with worried, and rightly so, aggrieved faces as they'd endured their own nightmares for the day. We ended up in a Morrisons café ordering loads of food and some drinks. I was worried Dani was going to end up burying one of the staff there as they brought out some uncooked delicacies and was really still to out of it to care about the food as I just wanted to get back to the lodge. The last train was an hour or so away so we paid again for a bus journey back. Oddly enough this was way quicker than the train ride, offered us some new views to look at and all without our overly eager guide Neil. The majority of the day was a farce but did offer three major pluses. Mum and Dani had endured much together that day and bonded because of it. The love of my life and Mum getting on is not the be all or end all but is of course very welcome as I intent o spend the rest of my life with Danielle so the two of them getting on is a bonus. There were plenty of stories to take back from the experience for all of us which of course makes the story telling afterwards that much more enjoyable as there's nothing more boring to listen to or read about than 'Had nice uneventful day, came home and went to bed'. Finally the sense of achievement which came from peaking at Nevis. I'd had part of this taken away from me as I wanted to experience it with Dani but I can still say I've done it, I've reached the top of Britian three peaks. You can see the disappointment in my face at the summit but hopefully you can also see the determination and effort I put in to get up there, be under no illusion, Ben Nevis is an absolute slog and you will be punished for taking it on unprepared. My advice if you're considering doing it is to get it done then get the hell out of Fort William as the place is a joke. Not one person hinted to Mum or Dani that the gondola they were taking would not be taking them where they needed to go, it felt like Land's End all over a again, a place taking it's attraction for granted and offering a crap service for those wishing to view it.

After a few great days together Danielle had to leave us to go back to work. I went back with her to Glasgow station and needless to say the departure was hard to take, for both of us it seems. While I was there I did a recce to find out where we needed to find the bowls for the day after. So began our hate/hate relationship with the public transport of Glasgow and the surrounding areas. It's bad enough that Ardlui where we were staying had just a single track with infrequent trains on it, the locals warned us about using public transport as it's simply not up for the task. The commonwealth games had now started and we were due to go to bowls together, bowls again for the two old ones and me at the table tennis. At the bowls we were there to cheer on Mum's mate Andy Knapper who she used to work with as well as every one else wearing an England (or Wales) top. We'd got though security with my 7up bottle and Mum's knitting needles being confiscated and found our seats. me and Mum moved to a cooler spot which was closer to the action. England were beaten by the aussies cheered on by their inflatable kangaroo holding team mates while everyone else was being tragically British in their modest support. We eventually moved over to watch Andy play and saw him win with his playing partner. Andy went on in the week to win himself and his country a silver and a bronze. Good man :) I went solo on one of the days to my usual favourite of live spectating of table tennis. I can't put my finger on it but I am infinitely entertained by it, at it's best it is such a skilful sport, especially when played by inhabitants of the far east. The first game, a team one, was won by a suspiciously oriental looking aussie team, the second I was unable to watch all the way through due to a planned meet up with the two old ones but turned out to be the most entertaining. A couple of Malaysian fans were handing out flags to people around them, one of which was dressed up and holding a giant inflatable cat stick thing. Every time one of the players called a time out and some music started playing this dude stood up and got everyone clapping along. When the second game with their team started they were playing instruments every time they got a point, much to the dismay of the two judges! Sadly it was time to go to meet the others at the quayside where the BBC filmed a lot of their footage and home to my new favourite night time viewing back at the lodge 'Tonight at the Games', the highlights and chat show with Claire Balding and Mark Chapman with a band called The Federation providing the music.

Other highlights and lowlights can fade away as much more has happened between now and then and there is so much more to write about. My solo trip with Pickle to have a much needed break from the goldfish bowl, meeting her sister and having a thoroughly lovely day in Glasgow eating haggis, neeps and tatties and riding on a big ferris wheel. Doing the same thing with Mum (minus the big wheel) to stop her and Dad killing each other and seeing an Englishman compete in, win and get awarded his gold medal in the cycling time trial race in front of us which was a bonus. The lovely Drover's Inn, a short drive from the lodge which introduced me to the joys of haggis and a giant stuffed bear on the first occasion and two funny singers on the second who gave all the ladies present a shaker to shake along to the music. Star of the show though was Loch Lomond itself. My slightly unsteady but i'm assured, damn good first attempt at Board surfing was pleasurable enough but it was the swim in the Loch that I enjoyed the most. The two old ones were stood in the shallows while I swam to a platform in the middle of the Loch before swimming back, much to their relief i'm guessing as lifeguard material they are not ;)

Going home was yet another slog but manageable thanks to the knowledge i'd be returning to Danielle, words cannot describe how good it felt seeing her again and the details of which will remain, rightly and respectfully, ours.

Details of Wales on the way - Rossifer x

Colour me happy

 Rainbow run, Prospect Park. An event similar to the ever entertaining 'Color Run' only with two added benefits. This event was right on my doorstep and even closer to that of the love of my life who was present for our first joint Purple book event. In Danielle I have found a kindred spirit; a true lover of variety whether it's teas to drink, places to visit or things to have a go at. True to form many of the Prospect crew showed initial interest in having a go at the event with only two brave souls actually taking part. GT showed up with her sister and 'rents and Elizabeth joined me and Dani in her usual baffling style, being the only runner not wearing either a white top or her racing number (always bloody awkward that one! ;)). Although the race was only 3km it felt a lot harder than usual due to the heat and the fact the paint stations weren't spaced out as well as we'd hoped with plenty early on and bugger all after that. As usual, people at the various stations chucked it over us as we went through. Although smelling nicer than the Color run stuff it proved harder to get off in the end, took a while for that shower water to run clear! It was great to see Sarah and Buns at the end, me and Dan crossed the line holding hands which should have earned us a photo I reckon but hey ho ;) Another cool medal to add to the collection as well, pretty damn good for the event's first time in Reading.

Here's to plenty more events like this with my new partner in crime.

Rossifer xxx

All you need is...

May those without it experience it, those who have it keep it and those who have lost it find it again.

Rossifer (& D M) xxx

3 birds, one stone

Nearly 2 months since the last PB entry, usually a sign of blind panic when life isn't as purple as it should be. The truth is all is well with life and the book with plenty lined up for the year, just nothing for the immediate. The fun sapping wet weather is finally behind us and Spring is here bringing with it plenty of opportunities. The end of a very tricky term at work welcomed the Easter holidays, a much sought after 2 week break from things. Say what you like about people who work in schools, the holidays are always so very much needed for all present in an atmosphere that brings out all emotions, good and bad. I wouldn't choose anywhere else to work at the moment but I am certainly glad to see the back of the place for a fortnight before what promises to be an even more hectic couple of months.

I had nothing planned for Easter other than tidying the Den and recharging. The first of my '3 birds' quickly came into being out of nothing though. There is an app on all smart phones called 'Words with friends', a scrabble like game where you can play against people you know or any random Tom, Dick or Harry. I've never been good at Scrabble, won just over half my games on the phone version and finished at best 3rd in the overall rankings. Knowing I had a week with little distractions though the challenge was on, at the end of the week finish top of the table. Every time my phone went off I checked to see who was in play. To cut a very boring story short I took great pleasure in wiping the floor with all present, beating amongst other people 3 English teachers and more than doubling my cousins score in second place :)

Had to get that one out the way first, this one is much more read worthy promise! At Christmas Mum had brought me and Dad an extreme sports voucher each, even though it was of course our main present it was over shadowed by all the tea, hats and pipes i'd also been given (especially the tea ;) ). With two weeks off work and the old one now retired it was the perfect time to use the vouchers. We were scheduled to do Paintballing, Quad biking and Clay pigeon shooting, we were both new to all but the first one which meant crossing another two items off the book. Dad was due to drive us down in his shiny new car, this was scuppered however the previous evening after a charity pub quiz we went to. A short way down the road after leaving we heard a weird noise which sounded like a flat tyre, sure enough the front passenger one was completely buggered. Me and Mum got out and Dad did a U-ey to turn back to a small road further down. Some idiot going a ridiculous speed damn near went into the side of him while he was turning! Out we got and me and Dad got to getting the tyre off. After much faffing around with Mum holding my phone with the torch on it we got all the bolts off the wheel only to find it was fused to the car. We were given an hour's maximum wait by the breakdown company. 59 minutes and 59 seconds later a dude showed up and eventually sorted us out by whacking the wheel off with a sledgehammer and giant bit of wood. We all got home around 1:00 ish, cold and pretty damn hungry after our Ploughmans', arguably the world's most cack handed and over rated meal (honestly, get some ham in it!)

Early(ish) start, for a Sunday at least. We eventually got hold of the dude down in Dorset and booked ourself in for the day, it would be paintballing at 10:00, Quads at 2 and Clay pij's at 3. With the old one's chariot doubtful and mum at a car boot sale all morning it I ended up taking the two of us down in Mavis. Both parents are always reluctant passengers with me at the wheel but Dad didn't have a choice in things this time after the night before. The drive down was lunch, great weather and no traffic whatsoever, it seemed everyone must have been in the capital watching the marathon. We rocked up at Blandford in Dorset around 9:25 and could see what looked like the quad bike course. paintballing was first up, we were unable to swap it to archery which we would have both preferred. The venue for it was a further mile up the road. I say road but moon surface is more like it, my poor Mavis's suspension suffers at the best of times with all the speed bumps littering Tilehurst and this certainly wasn't helping.

We eventually got to a large open area with a couple of guys getting set up. The place was very rustic looking like it had been dragged from the past, we were the only participants for around half an hour until the other two groups showed up, a BMW full of wide boys and a land rover of people who had been ferried there (wish we'd have though of that). We started what would become a pattern for the day, fill in the paperwork, get the right clothing on and get tooled up. On went the camo overalls, the protective mask and then the safety briefing. Most of the group had done it before and were well prepared with thick gloves and padding. What were we getting ourselves into?! Although me and Dad had done this before we didn't let on, never that harmful to play dumb when doing something like this, especially with all parties eyeing up each other to scope out the competition. I felt one step away from the grading scene in the Hunger Games. At this stage me and Dad felt like a '3' at best.
We could tell that the organisers at the place were the layed back type. Although the guy running it would obviously take no nonsense from the group he was lax about certain things such as the stated distance between people shooting each other. Officially it's no closer than 8 feet but in most scenarios this is obviously a ridiculous concept and simply not possible most of the time. We all grabbed our guns and were put into teams. Me and the old one chose to stay together to were in the red team and were facing the others with the black 'hoppers' on their guns where the paintballs went in. The site had at least 4 different areas to play in, the first was my favourite, a set of wooden huts amongst the trees with plenty of cover. First game was capture the flag, the first 5 minutes you were able to go back into the game if you were shot then you were out after that until the game finished. First hit was on the thigh, don't mind telling you it bloody hurt but not as painful as I was dreading. As instructed I put my hand up and kept it up and walked into the 'safe zone'. After that if was a capture the fort scenario with both teams having a go at attacking and defending, a game which involved shooting a circular metal thing in the opponents base, then a 'take the blue container into the base over the bridge game' before a final free for all back at the first venue. The bridge one was the worst where I managed to get shot multiple times despite putting my hand up (bit of blue language at that point i'm afraid) and oddly enough my favourite round was the one I was dreading, the free for all. Me and the old one agreed to buddy up and garrison a hut, that was the only game I managed to survive unscathed and actually managed to shoot 4 people. On the whole we both really enjoyed it and came out relatively pain free, although I am sporting a rather vicious looking bruise on my wrist at the moment that would be the second most painful injury of the day (but more on that later).

Second up, the quad biking. I drove Mavis back across the moon to where we'd started the day. It was a few minutes wait until we were to start again, a more sedate looking group this time despite the annoying little boy who wouldn't stop crying and grizzling. A guy that looked like he'd come from art college told us to kit up, blue overalls this time with bike helmets. Our designer bespeckled chappie gave us a quick run over everything we needed to know and again seemed as chilled out as the last guy. The quad's looked quite gnarly and were a bit of a bugger to start but we were quickly into it. I remember thinking I hoped it would be a combination of segwaying and jet skiing and just as enjoyable. Put the quad in neutral, turn the key, press the on switch, press the throttle, put it in gear, do the throttle again and off we went. A few laps of the practise track and then off we went up a path. We did that for the rest of the hour, a mixture of laps around a track then off to another bit. There was no overtaking allowed but if someone was holding everyone up (afraid I was one of those) then they were shown one path and everyone behind was ushered ahead down a shortcut, the whole thing worked effortlessly and brilliantly. The quads themselves are quite daunting to ride, the front brakes on all of them are purposely disabled for 'insurance purposes' and the back ones seem virtually pointless. Again, the two of us both loved it, it was Dad's highlight of the day and for me a close second behind my surprise package, the paintballing. Top tip that we soon picked up, grip the quad with your thighs at all times and lean right over when going into the corners, especially when going downhill at speed!

Last up with the clay pigeon shooting, surely the most sedate of the day's events I thought to myself, I wasn't going to get injured doing this... (don't panic, no one got shot!) This time it was only the two of us doing the activity, we followed a chappie to the venue which was halfway down the moon like track then into a field. It had my two flags flying so I was already looking forward to it. The young chappie took us to an older guy, the sort who could obviously spot us for a couple of complete novices to fire arms. No overalls this time, just a set of ear plugs and some glasses. he showed us how to hold the gun with the stock against the face and tucked into the shoulder, one eye closed, the other looking down the sight at the end of the barrel. He asked the younger chappie to fire up a clay which just popped straight up in the air, hovered for a split second then came down to earth. the brief was to aim just below it went it was hovering. Dad was up first. Slight problem was he couldn't even see the clay going up! He had to take the glasses off but still could only see the black clay when it was against the blue sky. He missed the first few back managed to clip a couple. I was up next. Seeing them was easy enough, hitting them was another thing! Roll up the most painful part of the day, the kick off that gun! Despite tucking it to my shoulder as best I can every shot was painful. I was chuffed in the fact I was hitting a few and actually shattering them but not in the pain I was getting for it. Me moved onto the clays flying into the distance and then some orange 'rabbit' clays which tumble across the floor. By the end of it we were 7 shots a piece which was a nice end to the day, helped largely by my double rabbit snag right at the end ;) We both got the impression the older guy ended the session early as a mercy plea to the pair of us which we were glad he did, we were both feeling pretty wrecked by the end of it.

Mavis got us back home in enough time to watch the last day of the Masters, both slumped in our chairs nursing our many bruises from the day. The pain though was well worth it, an absolutely fantastic day in a great venue. Although the place is still very much in development the whole day was very well run. It is obviously a family run outfit, things are kept quick and simple with more time to enjoy the activities themselves. A much needed triple entry into the good book with a lot more lined up for the rest of the year :)

Rossifer x

Mallnitz

February, so often a month in limbo as everyone starts to recover from winter and look forward to spring with not much else taking place other than cheering on England and Wales in the 6 nations. As well as watching the world's second best sport this year it was Winter Olympics, and more importantly the chance to try some of it myself, skiing in Mallnitz Austria. Right up until the point I had my stuff packed and stepped foot on the coach I never thought i'd actually be going. A few months ago Alex, head of PE at our school asked me if I was interested in going on the trip. I said i'd loved to but thought nothing more of it as if I'd be one of the options open to him for staff to go with the students. The following week he asked me for my passport number, head, foot and leg size and gradually I started getting excited. More weeks later and it was meetings regarding the trip, ordering the EHIC card and trying on the green hoodies that we'd be wearing (and that i'm wearing as I type this.) After the training runs at Bracknell there was a week to go and we'd be on our way, this was actually going to happen! :)

Final Friday of the term and we came to school dressed in all the gear with bags packed. The kids on the trip had the choice of coming in late to school to avoid all faffing around in getting their own gear in. Wheeling the suitcase down the corridors with some of the others we started to get knowing looks and comments of people wishing they'd signed up for the trip as well. The 8 staff going all had their jobs to do as the kids started to filter in, passports, EHICs, medication, various paperwork and dosh all had to be sorted out before going, couldn't help thinking back then the amount of time it must have taken to get this thing organised. The worst bit is that Alex who had organised it would be unable to ski due to an operation he'd had a couple of weeks before, all this work for no slope time! Around 2 ish the coach rolled up, the 8 of us had our group of 6 students who we'd be registering for the duration with us all sorted out and off we went. The 5 blokes had snagged the back seat of the bus, despite 2 6 foot 5 plus guys in the group though Alex took the coveted middle seat because of his op with me and Barnesy flanking him as best we could, we pretty much needed a shoe horn to get us both in! The start of 26 hours of travelling to get there...
The drive to Dover was easy enough, the ferry crossing was the biggie though as after an hour or so on the water the message came through that we had to turn back due to technical difficulties, despite the fact we saw what we thought was the French coast. Despite this around 20 minutes later we heard that we were on the final approach to Dover! I later found out from the old one that the real reason our ferry and one of the others had to turn back was due to several people dying out on the channel, not sure how or why, especially as the waters didn't seem that bad when we were out but just glad we made it through. We did however lose a lot of time which ended up mucking things up later on. What with that and the busy German Auto-bahns we'd end up 4 hours later than planned. When it was the wee small hours of the morning the lights went out on the coach and most people managed to get some sleep but when you're 6 foot 6 in a chair with no leg room and too small a headrest flanked by a rower and a rugby player chances of sleep largely go out the window...

Although someone once said it's often the journey not the destination that counts i'm drawing a line under that as it was a coach and ferry journey (which sucked apart from a few good DVDs played on route) and SKIING was the destination.

Eventually we end up in beautiful Austria. My first attempt at brushing up on my German wasn't great as it was in a service station after zero sleep in a rather confusing toilet, one of those all in one things with sensors and stuff, something way too complicated when you're knackered and listening to a foreigner trying to give you instructions. Suddenly every one on the coach was wide awake in anticipation regardless of how much sleep they'd had. Despite a crap journey the kids were behaving great, a good thing as James, the rower sat next to me obviously doesn't function well without much sleep as he was pretty cranky at this point... The roads were becoming typical Austrian, steep nd windy with stunning views. This was my first time visiting in Winter, for me the best time to see the country at it's best. We'd pulled off the main roads and were going through the various ski resorts until we got to Mallnitz. Far from being the party capital of the world, Mallnitz is home to a few eateries, a supermarket, one small souvenir shop and a wool shop. The hotel or 'Pension' as they seem to call it would be just for us which meant we wouldn't have to worry about keeping anyone up. The rooms had bunk beds with up to 8 in a room, being able to stretch out on the top bunk after that coach ride was pretty lush, even though I had to search for a corner in the shower that I was able to stand up straight in ;)

First day of skiing, on real snow! As we'd taken more time than expected getting there we'd missed our chance to get booted up so had to do so early the following morning. Our boots, skis, poles and helmets would be ours for the week, all of mine seemed twice the size of most people except Barnesy who probably gave Alex my name as a suggestion for the trip as I help look after his Basketball group. We were split into four groups; group 1 were those who had skied before, group 2 were the best of the Bracknell practise slope bunch, group 3 the worst from that group and group 4 had never worn a ski boot in their lives. I was happily with group 3 as I hadn't quite mastered what I'd needed from Bracknell so felt more than comfortable where I was. We were put with Pezi our instructor for the week, top dog and owner of a beaut of a moustache. He's the sort of bloke that is very grouchy when you don't do as you're told but the best when you get it right and proceeded to deal out a huge portion of whoop ass and praise in equal measure. The day started on the most gentlest of slopes and apart from the odd tumble here and there, no worries.

Day two and the snow came in droves. Despite being surrounded with the stuff the sheer volume of it that day meant the coach was snowed out and the Ankogel ski school itself was completely closed. The day's skiing then was replaced by snow ball fights and snowmen & women making, there was hardly a moan from any of the students due to the fact half of them were really tired and the appeal of being surrounded by thick snow was still very much there so the thought of a snowball fight more than made up for a day off the slopes. It ended up with which snowman had the biggest snow gentleman's region and which snow lady had the biggest boobs (naturally) followed by all of them getting kicked down once the winner had been picked.

Day three at the glacier, a day i'd been looking forward to since it had been mentioned despite the fact it would come a day too soon in my opinion. The day missed yesterday was unfortunate, especially for groups 3 and 4 which needed the practice more than most. After only 1 day on proper snow we were now facing many more challenges. The day started off in giant lifts which seemed to take for ever to get to the ski slopes proper, I still have no idea how high up we eventually got to. The resort at the glacier was a hive of activity. As well as the button lifts that we were all pretty much savvy in using we now had the dreaded T lift, seat lift and gondolas. For those not in the know, here's what they all are: -

Button lift - a small seat the size of a frizbee. It comes around on a little relay, you take hold of the seat, point your skis forward, put the seat between your legs and off you go.

T-lift - a bigger version of the button lift, designed to take two people. Pick a side, hold onto the middle bit with one hand and hold your poles with the other.

Seat lift - the most daunting I reckon! A gate open, 4 people ski forward and line up together. the seat comes behind you, you sit down, pull down the safety bar and off you go. The worst bit is when the thing stops with you hanging over a big drop, especially if it starts swaying.

Gondola - Enclosed lift thingy which takes you to the highest point of the mountain. Loved it as you get to take pictures of all the great views without feeling unsafe.

The problems faced by my group and group 4 were the ability to turn whilst skiing. Still a relatively new concept to us, turning involved leaning away from the mountain with your knees pointing towards the slope, basically if you want to turn left then you lean right and vice versa. The premise was easy enough but the practise was a lot trickier for all concerned. Pezi was getting increasingly kranky as we took turns falling over. At one point I fell over 9 times whilst trying to follow my group down the mountain. I always had to stay at the back in case anyone got into trouble, the problem was my skiing ability was the same as there's so getting to them and stopping was a nightmare. I have to admit to cursing a fair bit at that point! Despite the fact I thought no one could hear me, I guess the echoes in the mountains were heard by quite a few as i'd had just about enough of skiing at that point. Pezi gave me a knowing look on our one go on the seat lift and tried to console me by giving me various tips to help me out. A very tricky day on the slopes and, like I said earlier, a day too soon in my opinion. Despite one hell of a lot of aggro I'll only be taking good memories away from it though as it was a truly beautiful place and in the last few minutes of skiing there I was starting to get it. Skiing down that final slope with no tumbles was an epic feeling.

The entertainment that night was karaoke at the one bar in Mallnitz. Good in two ways, another entry in the book as I have never done it before and also in the fact my performances seemed to go down well with my lot and the students! Plenty of great tracks to choose from but I ended up with Born to be wild by Steppenwolf, Ring of fire by Johnny Cash and a trio with two of the girls doing American Pie by Don McClean. It's lucky they were with me as that's a long old song and I completely forgot how the intro went!

Next day we find out we're back at Ankogel and will be for the rest of the trip, great news for the lower groups as well as groups 1 & 2 who were about to be let loose on the mountain proper. The weather was pretty dire all day, I already knew my ski jacket wasn't water proof and that i'd be soaked by the end of the day but not how much i'd enjoy the day. After an hour or so (and a painful bump off the T lift) something clicked for me and I started to 'get it'. Pezi had been giving us the same instructions about leaning into the corner and standing up at the right time and, for some reason, I eventually got it! From that point on there would be no more falling over unless I was showing the kids how to get upright again. I was able to move from doing the 'snow plough' stance into the holy grail of 'parallel skiing' where both skis point the same way and are closer together for more speed. While most of my group were picking it up as well, I still had that hardcore bunch who were still lacking that bit of confidence and/or ability so I couldn't race down the mountain as quick as i'd like. The favourite member of my group continued to entertain in how fearless he was on the mountain. Despite being a royal pain and the one student I was dreading on the trip he quickly became the one student who always cracked me up. On one section of the slope which involved going over loads of bumps he managed to fly down with the ominous cry of "OH NO", flying over all of them and stopping perfectly by the rest of the group, more through luck that judgment but so funny!

The routine followed for the next couple of days. Traditional Bavarian breakfast at 7:30 (think salami and cheese) followed by skiing during the day, tea back at the Pension then the evenings entertainment whether it be quiz night, swimming, disco or the compulsory mid-trip early night. The disco wasn't my thing due to the age group present and not enough alcohol although I was up for any dance that was easy enough to join in. Oops upside your head went down well even if most of the kids and all the locals looked on wondering what the hell was going on with a row of peeps sat on the floor rowing. Apart from a saxophone shaped beer pump and various signed underwear on the walls the other quirk of the Mallnitz bar was the log game a couple of the locals were playing. Premise was simple - using a chisel hammer, partly hammer a long nail into the log then take turns trying to nail the rest in with the chisel part of the hammer (one nail each). The loser buys the other dude a drink. No prizes for guessing who had to skulk back to the bar, didn't hit the bloody thing once!

Final day and only two more hours on the slope. Panic as the snow seemed rock hard, for a few minutes skiing was hard again. The best bit was that I had a chance to have some free skiing. I'd had the offer the day before but had grown really fond of group 3 and wanted to stay with them to get better with them. The final day I took the chance though as I wanted to ski down both sides of our slope, top to bottom without having to keep most of my attention on the group. Ahhhhhh so good. Up I went on the T lift, taking the left side down first and then on my favourite right side. I only aimed to do one trip down on each side but kept missing my group so ended up doing several trips down. Easily the best part of the whole experience, I was really loving skiing at this point. The slope was largely empty with very few pint sized skiers around (I swear they can ski before they can walk in these parts). Parallel skiing from top to bottom, wide turns at the top and smaller ones near the bottom where I was able to open out and get some speed. So, soooo good, I can see how people get the skiing bug. After that we handed back our equipment, final pictures on the slope taken and off we went. I made sure I had my pic and shook the hand of group 3's instructor, i'd really miss Pezi, the guy who's wisdom meant I could now ski.

The journey back, boring but mercifully 4 hours shorter than the trip there. Kids, as ever really well behaved and James still cranky. The ferry back was infinitely less eventful, me and the other 7 played the final game of 'Wallybag', the card trip that had dominated the spare time on the trip. The loser of the game became said Wally Bag and this was also the honorary title given to whoever had done the most stupidest things each day. Harkit, one of the 8 had earned the first wearing of the Wally Bag high vis jacket after forgetting to bring his ski jacket on the trip, other winners included someone who decided to pick a fight with our solid rugby playing Alex, a couple of people who fell off the ski lift taking out a few others along the way and the favourite member of my group for his general Wally bag behaviour since training at Bracknell. I'll remember little bits like that, the karaoke, the way our students looked at kids from another school who were acting like idiots in the Billa supermarket and the log game but the trip was all about the skiing for me. I never though i'd be any good at it, get me on ice and i'm like Bambi but put me on snow and you know what, i'm not that bad at all. 2 in 1, karaoke in front of a live audience and skiing in the alps, loved it.

Huge thanks to Alex and Barnesy for organising it, Pickle, Sam, Sian, James and Harkit for the ride, Terry, Brian and Guy for getting us there and back and all the kids who we did it for in the first place, especially Team Red and group 3 :)

Rossifer x